All right, so a few very important things changed for me today. The most important one was choosing a ward. I've been feeling pretty scattered with church lately. I've been going to church every week, but it's been at a different one pretty much every week since school started. It's been hard to find my niche in that part of my life, and so I decided to do something about it today. I'll get to how that turned out later in the post.
Today I went for a run/walk. It was really really great. I just really needed to get out of the house today and forget about school and life in general. I also used this time to think about some things. Oh quick funny story of the day. So I ran by some kid and he did the rock on sign to me. At least I think it was to me, because when I turned around to look at who he was waving at there was no one else there so i just kind of smiled and kept running. It was weird. Anyways, back to the other story. I was really focusing on just clearing out my thoughts, when I started thinking about what ward I wanted to continue to go to. I had three choices: singles ward, home ward, and a student ward. So I was running/walking along wondering in my head about what I was going to do when I really just felt like the singles ward is where I need to be right now. In the student ward I was getting lost. There are tons of students that attend that ward, and I felt really minute and kind of unimportant. I think that it might be a good idea for me to start somewhere where a) I feel relatively comfortable b) it's small enough that I'll be noticed and appreciated and c) somewhere that feels right at this point in my life. I really haven't been to the singles ward since I sang for Savior of the World so I hope I like it, if not I'll just call the bishop and have him transfer my records back somewhere else.
So yeah I prayed about it a bit and read some scriptures and I really feel comfortable with my decision. It'll be different that's for sure, and I'm still not really sure what to do about a few complications with leaving my homeward, but right now I feel like this is what I need to do for myself right now. I need to start breaking away from a few things and start doing a few more things on my own. This is the first step towards that. Next step, moving closer to campus! haha Well, maybe. We'll still take this one step at a time.
I'm not going to lie. As far as today went with improving myself, I get 1 out of 5 stars; however, tomorrow is a new day. I decided after my run that I need to change a few things. I'm working on that a lot. Once I figure out exactly what I'm going to change I'll let you know. I just need to figure out a few things, and tonight was a big step towards that. I found a bit of strength that I didn't know I had before, and I'm going to do my best to pursue that. Tomorrow's a new day and a new chance to do a better job at what I'm supposed to be doing. It'll be a great day, I can feel it.
If you'll glance at the titles that I use, they generally have something to do with the post or something I'm thinking. Some of them really are just random because no song I know applies to what I've written about, but tonight the title means something really special to me. That song line really says a lot about how I feel tonight. I want to do better, and I'm really going to try hard to do that. I want to love life again. I want to wake up and want to go to class because I feel like I have a purpose in being there. Thatcher wrote yesterday about taking this all one day at a time, and I'm going to try that too. I'm going to try and stop focusing on the negative or the things that aren't quite perfect, and I'm going to continue to focus on the good things about myself and my life. There's so much good that I can be doing, and I feel ashamed at all the lost opportunities I've had these past few weeks as I've been focusing on myself a lot. I think I've sort of lost sight of what's really important, and I'm going to do my best to find the important things in my life and hold onto them. School's important and everything, but really there are things that are a lot more important.
So the goal for tomorrow is to try and do my best again. I got pretty good at a few things last year that I've stopped being good at. Like sitting by lonely people and wearing a smile most of the time. I think I lost sight of that for a while. I won't be perfect at this, especially not at first, but I'm going to do my best because it's important to me. It's important to me because I know that doing those things will make me happy in the long run. I'm going to stop wandering through each day, and I'm going to try and live each day with a purpose. It's important to me. And I'm going to do it.
Sorry if this post was lengthy. Have a great night friends. I hope you're all doing well. I really appreciate the support and help you've all given me at various points in my life. Have a great day tomorrow. Tomorrow's another opportunity for greatness.
-Fluffy
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