So I have a feeling that this post is going to turn out differently than I've been planning it to turn out. Part of me feels really introspective tonight; however, I'm not really sure how to describe how I'm feeling or what I'm thinking about tonight, so I'll do the best I can.
I'm going to start off with an experience that I had today. Today was fast and testimony meeting, and I generally really like the first Sunday of the month for that reason. I think that a lot can be learned when people get up and tell others what they know to be true, and so I really like listening. Today was an exceptionally good testimony meeting, and I was feeling pretty good about everything. Then, my old young women's leader got up to bear her testimony, and she told everyone that she and her husband are moving. I'm pretty sad that she's moving, but as soon as she said it I had a really sad thought. I just couldn't stop thinking that everyone that I care about is leaving me. I know that it's all for a good reason, because, like I've said before, I believe that everything happens for a reason; but it was still just a really sad thought. I know that everything will turn out all right, and I'm not worried about that, but sometimes I just wish that more than my family and two friends weren't going to leave me for an extended amount of time.
Don't worry, the story gets better from here. I was sitting here right before I wrote this post and I came across a quote that someone really important to me said. It was about how everything will work out in the end even when it seems like it won't, and all that is required is a little bit of faith and patience. The hardest part for me on that is definitely the patience. I'm working on that though. I'm learning that it's better for me to take things one step at a time, and that all I need to do is my very best. I've gone from the point of trying to be the best to what James described as being my best. I think that's pretty important for me right now. There's quite a few things that I could be doing better, and I'm just not. But if I'm constantly moving forward and not backward then I know that I'm accomplishing something. It might not be a great something, but it's still me moving forward, and that's what I'm trying to do right now. I'm trying to make small but good improvements for myself and my situation. I'm not perfect at that yet. There are so many days that I come home from school and would much rather put on some crazy awesome Iron Chef instead of doing my homework, but I'm trying to do the things that are important and good.
You know, another thing I've been working on is being better for myself. I think that a lot of the things that I do are because I want other people to think something good about me. It's been really important to me lately to figure out the things that I want and to work on being better for me. College people don't much care about my success, so I guess I have to work on being successful for myself. Anyways, I don't want to talk about that anymore.
I'm feeling happy today. Sort of. I feel more stressed/content/unsure/hopeful/heartacheish. It's kind of a weird night for the whole feelings thing. I feel like things are just different, and they are so I guess that it's ok to feel that way, but things are just different. People are moving on, and I'm trying to move on too. I'm trying to look at things more positively so that I feel better about things. I've heard more than once that you get to choose if you're happy or not, and so I'm really trying to choose to be happy no matter what the situation is.
It's all working out. It's still difficult, probably more for me than for some other stronger people, but I'm trying to do my best. I hope you're all doing well and that things are going really well for you. I really care about a lot of you, and I hope you know that I'm always here if you need someone. Good luck with everything you're doing.
-Fluffy
(side note added 20 minutes later) Some days I really miss my friends. Like today. :'(
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2 comments:
Well, I have the patience thing down but need some help with the other half so between the two of us, we've got it covered. :D Keep on keeping on. Even when it seems like people have left you, they're never really gone. I'm only this far away... I can still talk to you, see? Everyone is still connected. And we love you.
When you said "people are moving on, so I'm trying to move on too" I totally know what you mean. It's a hard thing to do and its uncomfortable and confusing. Also, when you described how you were feeling, "...hopeful/heartachish...etc." Its a new feeling that we've never experienced before and don't really know what to do with. I've felt that way a couple of times down here and I can't figure out why or how to fix it. But talking and trying to laugh always helps me. You're great, thanks for writing. :)
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