(8) Someone needs your star (8)

Something pretty great happened this fine evening. It wasn't really what I planned to have happen, but it turned out really well. My family was going to go out to dinner tonight to support my sister in this fundraiser she's doing for soccer, but Glen called me and invited me to go and see a play with him at Hale. Into the Woods is a great play by the way. Loved it. I had a really good time with Glen, and his parents were super nice to me.

The point of the story is that tonight made me feel like I'm doing all right. I'm not perfect or anywhere near perfect, but I'm doing OK. It's just a good feeling to feel like I don't need to worry so much about the future and other things that seem to be so pressing. I don't need to worry so much about people not liking me. I think deep down somewhere in my heart I really do know that things are going to be great in the end. It's just been hard to remember that every day. It's especially hard to remember that when I don't feel like things are going the way I think they should. But today I feel like things are going to be all right. Today was a little push towards following yesterday's quote of the day.

Things really are going well for me. I'm moving forward and learning new things about myself. I'm learning to be open to other people and to let people in to see who I am. It's super scary for me, but I'm doing it because I know that it's the best thing for me. I really hope you're all doing well tonight. I'm always here to talk if you need someone or if you just want someone to say hi to. :) Good night, friends. Good luck with your Tuesday.

-Fluffy

"When referring to an individual, including yourself, never use the word 'just'." -President Hinckley

(8) It's not like you (8)

Hey, friends. I don't really have anything special to write about tonight, but I do like writing on my blog. This weekend has been pretty interesting for me. It was so great to see everyone. It's just great to have people around me that really care about me. It was nice.

The quote of the day is a pretty awesome one. It's from this last conference, and I think it sort of sums up what I need to do right now. Things are different, but that doesn't mean it has to be miserable. I'm going to try my very best to "love it."

I guess I really don't have too much to say tonight. I just wanted to stop by and let you all know that things are going well. Things are moving along and I'm learning and growing. I hope that you're all doing well tonight as well. Good night, friends. Good luck with your week.

-Fluffy

"Come what may, and love it." -Joseph B. Wirthlin's mother

(8) I've got you under my skin (8)

Today has been a super crazy day for me. I was late getting up this morning so I had to drive to school. I really like driving to school because I feel some sort of strange comfort knowing that my car is with me. It just feels great knowing that I can bring EXTRA things to school and keep them in my car. I know it's weird, but it makes me pretty happy. But driving also has a pretty big downside coupled with it. I have to walk from the institute building to David Gardner hall, and that's a really long walk. Plus it was cold. I do look pretty cute today though. So things could be worse. ;)

I thought about things being worse twice today. Just now and earlier when I was feeling fat. I looked at the elevator's capacity of 4000 lbs and thought, "at least I can fit on the elevator." "Things could be worse." It made me smile and laugh to think that in my head. It was a shame that there was no one in the elevator that I could share the random thought with. It was a pretty good one.

I had to sing for the whole vocal music freshman class today. There's a little more than 40 of us, and I thought I was going to die. I was so scared. And I had picked my "brave" song to sing last night when I was feeling brave. I wasn't feeling quite so brave this morning, but I felt like I did really well. I gave it my all. My legs and hands were shaking uncontrollably, but I feel good about it. It felt good to do well, and I'm really grateful that I feel good about it. My voice lesson went well too. He told me I have good over tones. I like over tones so I guess I'm pretty glad that I have good ones ;)

Today has been a pretty silly day. Stressful and long? Yes. Good? Also a yes. Things are going to be all right. There is so much that I can improve, but I'm still going strong with my small and simple goal. It's really working for me to try and make a few smaller things better right now. Things are going well for me, and I really hope that things are going well for all of you as well. Have a stupendously spectacular day!

-Fluffy

The quote today isn't the quote that I was looking for, but it's by the same man. It's a really great quote. Hopefully I'll be able to find the other quote that inspired me to look him up. Sorry, it's long. :)

"Life is simply time given to man to learn how to live. Mistakes are always part of learning. The real dignity of life consists in cultivating a fine attitude towards our own mistakes and those of others. It is the fine tolerance of a fine soul. Man becomes great, not through never making mistakes, but by profiting by those he does make; by being satisfied with a single rendition of a mistake not encoring it into a continuous performance; by getting from it the honey of new, regenerating inspiration with no irritating sting of morbid regret; by building better to-day because of his poor yesterday; and by rising with renewed strength, finer purpose and freshened courage every time he falls." -William George Jordan

"Happiness is your heritage"

Well today was interesting. Did I do anything monumental? Not really. Did I learn a few things that I can do better? I sure did. I had a few of those "Melissa, things really aren't as bad as you're making them out to be," moments. One of those moments happened while I was talking to a new friend. She's kind of having some of the same struggles that I'm having, but she told me that she knows that the U is where she needs to be so she's decided to put her all into it. She's going to make school one of her top priorities.

Am I ready for that right now? No. I can feel in my heart that I'm not ready to let go of some things and make school and making new friends my focus. I'm still trying to figure out how to balance everything, but I feel like in the next little while I'll be able to figure out all that stuff. There have been some nights (my blogging can attest to this) where I've been really really ready to move forward and to be better and to change the world, feed the hungry, and be awesome. I think that doing all of that is going to take a lot more work than I anticipated. So my new plan is to start out slow. I'm changing small things instead of my whole life. I'm being me, but I'm trying to move towards doing things a little bit better than before. I'm not ready for HUGE changes right now. I've had enough of those in the past little while. Now I'm ready to focus on a few smaller things that can be improved.

Things are going to be all right. Good night, friends. I really hope things are going well for you.

-Fluffy

"As spirit daughters of our Heavenly Father, happiness is your heritage." -Dieter Uchtdorf

(8) You hold more goodness than you know (8)

Well, I took a pretty long break from posting for a while there. I'm not really sure how I feel about it. It's good because I'm writing when I really feel like writing, but it's bad because I don't get that day to day reflection on what I've done and where I'm headed. I'm not really sure which of those will win out in the end, but for now I'm sticking to the writing every once in a while thing. We'll see how it goes.

I've been complaining a lot lately. Maybe I feel like talking about the things that are hard for me feels like complaining. Either way I don't really like it when I complain to people. Sorry Katie. :) I'm going to try and fix that. Things are kind of hard for me right now, and I've been getting the counting my blessings and counting my trials mixed up. It's a whole lot easier to count my trials and say "Look at this! What is going on?" than it is to look at my life and focus on all the good things.

Thatcher wrote that he was ready to be better, and I'm really proud of him for that. I wish that I were in that place tonight. I wish that I were ready to move on and do better things, but tonight I feel kind of stagnant. I feel stuck in the position of trying to hold to things from the past and moving on to new things. It seems like every time I try to move on and be happy and do better, something pulls me back to the less happy side. Right now I feel more like I'm trying to get by. It's kind of like the difference between running through the grass and running through the swimming pool. I'm still moving forward in the swimming pool, but it's a languid forward. It's like I'm using every part of myself to pull myself out of my bed and live another day. It's not that I don't love swimming (AKA life.) It's just been a little bit harder lately to understand why certain things are happening and why I'm feeling certain things.

I'm sort of feeling like I'm at that crossroad between letting go of some things and holding on to other ones. I don't want to let go of some things, but it hurts to hold on to them as tightly as I am. I'm just not really sure what I'm going to do right now. Will I be OK this week? Only time will tell. I'm sure I'll be fine, but will I come out of it emotionally and mentally in tact? Maybe not. We'll see.

We're hoping for the best this week. I'm shooting for the stars and saying that things are going to be all right. I'm going to hold on to what I know will keep me sluggishly shoving myself through the water. And I'll keep a smile on my face. Oh yeah, I can multi-task.

Good luck with your week, friends. I really hope that things go well for you and that you're not pushing through the water. If you are, I'm sure you'll come out a better person. That's what I'm trying to focus on: the big picture. Good night, friends.

-Fluffy

“Work will cure your grief. Serve others.” -President Hinckley

Compassionionate Service

Sorry to post twice in one night, but I've been thinking about something and I feel like it's something that I really need to say. It could be for the benefit or someone who reads this or it could just be for my own benefit. Either way I think it's an important concept that I'm slowly learning.

You know all of us are trying to do our best. I don't think that very many of us try to be bad at talking on the phone or keeping in touch, but we're not perfect people. We don't always do or say the right things because we're all still learning how this whole human thing works. We're all still trying to figure out if there's such a thing as loving too much or if it's safe to put our complete love into people. Some of us are still learning the significance of faith and the role it plays in our life. There are just so many things that we're all trying to achieve and learn in this life.

Compassion is something that's really important to me. Ms. Parrish once said something about when we lose compassion then we lose what it means to be human. There's a lot of significance in that statement. Compassion is something that is easy to have but not always easy to remember. What I mean is that sometimes it's easier to feel compassion for people when it's obvious that they need our compassion. Seeing someone sick or hurt automatically brings about a certain amount of compassion from the observing people because it's one of those univeral human truths. Compassion is something that we all understand and feel when we see someone in need.

But how much more difficult is it for us to feel compassion for the man who cuts us off or the family member who seems to be acting impossible? It's a lot harder to have compassion when we can't see deep into the problems and challenges that people are facing on the inside. It's a lot easier to recognize outward problems and so it's a lot easier to have sympathy towards individuals who suffer outwardly. But i believe that compassion lies deeper than that. I believe that true compassion happens when we can see inward battles and find ways to heal them. Perspective is huge. Attempting to understand why people do the things they do makes it so much easier to find the strength to help them. Seeing someone suffering and doing something about it is what I think compassion is.

I wanted to see how a real dictionary would define compassion so I went to dictionary.com. The first definitely for compassion is this, "a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering."

You know, there are a lot of people who are suffering right now, and I know that I can do a lot more to "alleviate the suffering." Sometimes just smiling or saying hi to people can really help. We don't have to do huge things to help, but every small act of kindness helps move the work forward. We're all doing our best while we're here. We're all trying to put our best foot forward and find that true inner happiness. I know where I can find that true inner happiness, and I'm working really hard to keep that happiness with me always because I know how important that happiness is. I need it. Having a little bit of compassion for others can make a huge difference if we'll let ourselves do our part. This work will move forward and we will be able to help other people move forward with the compassion we show towards them. Please know that we're all doing our best. We're all just trying to make it through this earth life while enjoying the journey. Making our boxes bigger is scary, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't do it. This entry is scary for me to post, but I feel it right now. I feel like in order to start progressing I need to be immovable and firm. Doing hard things is a part of this life, and it can only make us stronger and better prepared for our next challenges.

-Fluffy

“Violence is not strength, and compassion is not weakness.” -King Arthur (Camelot)

(8) Quando Quando Quando (8)

Hello there, friends. I have some bad news. Well I guess it could be good news depending on how you feel about my writing. ;) I think that I am officially announcing that I won't be posting every day anymore. I still feel a little undecided about it, but I think it's a good idea for me right now. It kind of makes me feel sad to think about though, but it'll be an opportunity for me to post when I really feel like posting and I'll be able to get some other things done that are a bit more important at this point. I've been slacking on some things, and I think this will help. I won't be writing every night, but I'll still write pretty frequently. Hmmm I didn't think I'd feel so bad about this. It'll be all right though.

It's funny, I didn't really think that I enjoyed blogging quite as much as I do. There's just something really great about writing down what you feel and reading what other people feel. It's sort of a way of binding people together. I like that it's been a really great way of hearing about how other people are doing while they're far away at college. It's nice to reflect on myself as well as read about other people. Blogging is good.

So yes. Today was an interesting day for me. Fall break is turning out...differently than I would like. I'll be working a bit more than I thought, but the money is definitely needed right now. So it'll be good for me and it'll keep me productive. You know that commercial where the girl says that she hasn't had a day off since the fourth grade? I feel like that sometimes lol It's not a bad thing, but it's kind of true. I did get a nap in today though and I went to family home evening. So that was pretty fun. It was a good day. Different that I expected, but still good.

I hope that you're all doing really well tonight. I'm still not sure that I'm ready to let go of this every day thing. I don't always say spectacular things every post, but I still feel like it's helping me in some way. We'll just have to wait and see what happens :) Have a great night, friends.

-Fluffy

(8) R-E-S-P-E-C-T find out what it means to me (8)

Hmmm I'm not really sure how I'm feeling tonight. Sundays are interesting days for me because it's a day that I reflect on how I'm doing and how i can do better for the next week. Sometimes it has the opposite affect that I want it to. Sometimes I can get pretty down on myself when I reflect too much. It's kind of silly, but sometimes reflection and too much thinking are bad things for me. I tend to over analyze and compare, and neither of those things end well.

I'm not really having that problem tonight. I am, but at the same time I'm just kind of feeling pretty weird. I don't like to listen to music while I post because I know that music affects the way I think and feel, but tonight I am listening to music and posting. It's just Mo Tab. So it's not a big deal, but it's still affecting how I feel, and I'm glad that I can recognize that.

I'm turning it off now.

I don't have school this week, and that makes me pretty happy. I really hope that this week is pretty great. I have quite a few good goals planned, and I'm excited to try and implement them into my life. We'll see how it goes.

You know, today I've been thinking a lot about marriage and dating and all of that ridiculous stuff. I'm not wanting to get married right now or anything. I don't think that I'm even looking for anyone to date me seriously right now; however, it would be kind of nice to date every once in a while. It sounds silly, but it really is a concern of mine. I'm sure it's a concern of a lot of people our age. I had a talk with some people a few days ago about how it's easier for a girl to date a guy, but it's easier for a guy to find a girl to date. I just think it's interesting the way that all works out. I guess it's sort of fair, but I still think that the boy gets the sweet end of the deal on that one. Plus their hair is easier to do.

The point of this whole tangent is that sometimes it would be nice to be cared about in that way. Sometimes it would be nice to know that boys don't think I'm gross or something haha Sometimes it would just be nice to be viewed as a girl who's extra-special to someone. Tonight is one of those nights when all of those things seem like they would be really nice.

It's not a huge deal right now for me, but it's just kind of something that I've sort of been thinking about lately. I just wish that I could look at a cute boy and think that there might be even a tiny chance that he could care about me romantically. I'm sorry if that was a weird subject, but I've been thinking about it a lot lately so I thought I'd share. If it was weird just let me know and maybe I won't write about it again.

So another thing that I've been thinking a lot about lately is trust. I think I have some pretty major trust issues. I sort of rerealized this in my voice lesson this week. I learn a lot about myself in those voice lessons of mine... So he told me that I need to trust that my body will hit the notes that I want it to hit and that I don't have to try as hard as I'm trying right now to sing well. I get pretty tense while I'm singing and I kind of try to make my vocal folds do all the work when really the sound should come from the breath and not my throat. He told me that i should trust myself that things will turn out all right while I'm singing.

I've been thinking about that a lot this week as I've been doing random things. I think that there's a really big part of me that doesn't like to trust myself and other people. Somewhere in the back of my mind i don't let myself be all the way me all the time because I'm afraid that someone else won't accept who I am. It's kind of like I feel like myself isn't always good enough. This feeling of unworthiness is bad. I realize that it's bad, and I'm trying to fix it by focusing on all the good things that I do, but it's really hard to do that sometimes. In the same way that it's hard for me to retrain my voice, it's even harder to retrain my heart and mind to be open to people. Sometimes getting too close is dangerous. People leave and hearts get broken all the time so sometimes it's hard for me to put that trust in people. People are so unpredictable that it's scary to put your complete trust in them.

I think it's also good to recognize that I don't always trust myself. It's hard to trust in myself when I know that I'm prone to making mistakes. It's difficult to put your trust in someone that you know pretty completely. When I recognize my shortcomings, it's easier to be cautious than to just go for things. Trusting is hard. Trusting is really hard.

I'm going to work more on trusting this week. I'm going to work on trusting myself, others, and in the higher power that I know is trustworthy. Trusting will be a gradual process, but it'll be worth it. It's worth it to me to find the confidence in myself that I'm lacking right now because i know that I have things to offer. That's easy to forget when boys don't like me or when trusting in myself seems so distant, but I'm going for it. I'm really trying to live my life right now. I'm trying to take chances and to be as courageous as possible.

I hope that you're all doing well tonight. Sorry if anything that i said was awkward for you to read. Both of those topics were things that I've been keeping pretty private, but I feel like talking about them will help me to grow and be a better person. I hope things are going well for all of you. Night.

-Fluffy

"Live your life."

(8) Why are there so many songs about rainbows?"

Do you know what time it is? Holy mariah it's 1:20 AM. It keeps getting worse. If I keep heading this way, then by next week I'll be awake until three in the morning for sure. I can't even think when it's this late.

So today I had a really bad attitude about going to all state downtown. All I could think about was my broken button and how I was going to freeze. So we got down there and got into the concert at about six thirty. It was a really spectacular concert. I felt so bad for having a bad attitude because of how good it was. The sound was great, Dr. Allred was awesome, and the choir was just outstanding. I absolutely loved it. My favorite song was the gospel piece they sang at the very end. I wanted to get up and improvise too. Tomorrow I'm going to try that out and see how it goes. I have a pretty "sweet" sounding voice so I'm not sure that gospel is right for me, but it would be SO cool if it was. It was awesome and i loved it.

Tonight was really fun. I spent a lot of time with people that I really care about, and that made it super. I wouldn't trade today for anything, and I'm so glad that i got to spend it with so many amazing people. So thanks to all the awesome people out there that made my day extra special.

I hope that everyone is having a really great weekend. Tomorrow's going to be a spectacular day. I hope everything is going well for you all. Night.

-Fluffy

Quote of the day: "If I do just a little more every day..." -unknown

(8) Makin' banana pancakes (8)

It's officially 1:00 AM. I think that this could be the latest I've ever posted before. Maybe I'll go back and look, but probably not. It's kind of late. Today was a pretty good day. It was SO hard to go to school this morning. I only had two classes and one of them was choir. I did have a midterm in theory though, so i kind of had to go. I don't think that I'm brave enough to skip school anyway lol So my midterm went pretty well I think. I sure hope it went well, and I guess I'll know soon after fall break.

Fall break... is a glorious thing. There's something really really spectacular about knowing that I don't have classes next week. It will be such a good time to catch up on sleep and stuff. I can't even wait. I have some plans that I posted two posts ago I think. Hopefully I'll stick to them and I won't be too lazy over this break.

Today was a really good day, and I'm glad that I had the opportunity to live it. I'm really trying to improve some things, and today was filled with a lot of steps forward and a few steps back. It's to be expected ;)

Oh how wonderful it will be tomorrow to eat a chocolate chip pancake. I've been wanting one of those for quite a few days now, and I think tomorrow is the day to have one. Good night, friends. I really hope that you all have a great weekend! Much love.

-Fluffy

So I know I've used that title before, but I really want a pancake so I'm using it again.

(8) Try a little tenderness (8)

Today was a relatively good day for me. I feel like my midterms and test went pretty well. The sight singing was a lot better than I thought it would be, and she's a really nice teacher so that helps too. I used to be really quite terrible at sight singing, and it's been cool to see my progress with that one. Pre-performance wasn't so bad either. There were only a few things that i didn't know the answers to. Matching muscles to what their role is in singing was kind of difficult for me, but I really liked the IPA. I got the poem right and I didn't even need to look at my chart. That made me feel pretty good.

In brass study, Mike and I waited until the very last to test on our song. It was actually pretty funny because the rest of the class left because class was over. So it ended up being just me, the teacher, Mike, and a few people that decided to stay because they didn't have class. I did a lot better than I thought I would, and I got to have a pretty good laugh with Mike. It was actually kind of fun aside from still shaking because I was scared. haha Keyboarding really well too, and I did just fine on the song.

I know there was no way i could have done all of those things on my own. There was definitely a lot of divine intervention and I'm really grateful for that. I was so scared for today, and it turned out pretty well.

My sorority was interesting tonight... I'm still trying to get used to it I guess. And I wish that I had someone in there that I knew. Everyone else joined with a friend so I'm a little lonely at the moment. Plus I got lost on the way there. I HATE getting lost because I get so stressed out while I'm lost. But I eventually found it and was only forty five minutes late. They still hadn't started though so it wasn't a big deal.

So yeah, today was a pretty good day for me. I'm exhausted, but I get to sleep in a little bit tomorrow morning which will be really nice. I hope you're all doing well and that things are going well for you. Have a spectacular night and a lovely weekend.

-Fluffy

PS Quote of the day: "Cultivate an attitude of happiness. Cultivate a spirit of optimism. Walk with faith, rejoicing in the beauties of nature, in the goodness of those you love, in the testimony which you carry in your heart concerning things divine." -President Gordon B. Hinckley

"Did you every say, Billy, I love you?"

So I'm just going to be honest. I'm kind of freaking out right now. I have three midterms tomorrow and a test. Who does that in one day? Oh right... music majors. I'm freaking out because I don't feel prepared for any of them except the test. I'm terrified for the midterms... I'll let you know how they go, but I'm seriously stressing out right now.

Have I always been this prone to stress? Katie would probably know... maybe I'll ask her tomorrow. I know things are going to be all right, but I don't even know if i'll be able to sleep at this point. I'm super tired and I have another long day ahead of me, but i'm kind of going over the edge emotionally right now. I'm having this huge inner turmoil that's been lasting all day. I'm sure that tomorrow at around 12:00 I'll be feeling not stressed anymore. I might not feel good, but I won't be stressed...

All right, enough about that. Things are going to work out all right. I'll study again on TRAX in the morning. The happy thing of the day was that I got to watch the biggest loser :D And Jessica brought me a tasty pizza something for lunch and Matt gave me a carmel. So aside from school today was a pretty good day. So yeah, things are going to be all right. I should have studied more I think, but I'm a little overwhelmed so I think I'll head to bed soon. The goal for tonight is eleven, and the goal for fall break is to get my life back into order. Things that includes are as follows. (Not in any particular order)

1. Get ready for my piano midterm
2. Clean my room like crazy
3. Exercise plan and better eating
4. relax
5. not playing the trumpet
6. observations
7. going to my singles ward activities and church
8. figure out anything else that seems to be not going as well as it could

So yeah, that's my plan for fall break. I might work too depending on how things work out. Things are going well for me. I'm super stressed, but i know that it will all be fine in the end. There are worse things that not getting an A. i just have to keep telling myself that. There are worse things that not getting an A... or a B. Oh man today is a funny today. Well I think I'm starting to let the stress take over this post so i should leave before I start saying weirder things.

Have a great night everyone. I hope you're all doing well. :)

-Melissa

(8) Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket (8)

I was going to write something deep and inspiring today, but I'm really just not feeling it today. I feel like there are some things that I could really be doing better at though. I mean last night I only got 5 and a half hours of sleep. Most people are pretty good at living off of that, but it's just not good for me. When I don't get enough sleep, it tends to throw off a lot of things that I've worked hard to be good at. The goal tonight is eleven, and that will get me 7 hours of sleep which is pretty good. It's hard having really early classes and commuting. It's so easy to stay up late and so hard to get up early. I know I've said it before, but I really want to work on getting enough sleep. Because when I get enough sleep focusing and doing all sort of other things is just easier.

I did have a really good day today though. My midterm today wasn't so bad, and I feel like I did pretty well on it. And on the way home on TRAX I talked with some friends and that was pretty fun. They think I'm funny. haha Then I got to hang out with Alan and watch The Biggest Loser. I love that show.

So yeah, it was a good day today. The quote of the day is from my EFY director a few years ago. "Never forget who you are." I'm going to put a little plug in for that one too. We're all pretty important people trying to do pretty important things. And the easiest way to do those things is to remember who we are and why we're doing the things that are important to us.

I hope you're all doing well. Have a super good day tomorrow at school. I still think about all of you a lot and I hope and pray that you're doing well. I'm still here ready and willing to talk if you ever need someone. Have a great night.

-Fluffy

(8) Sing a little sing a little la la la (8)

I'm up a lot later than I should be tonight, but my family decided that it would be a fun thing to have family home evening tonight and I thought that was probably more important than finishing my homework. I still have a little bit more homework to do before I go to bed, but I guess that I can just take a nap when I get home tomorrow. I don't really know what other options I have. I just finished my musicianship studying. I am terrible at dictation, and the problem is that it's really hard to practice dictation because someone has to play a random melody for you to write down. It's just something that's kind of difficult to practice on your own. But my teacher gave us some stuff to study over the weekend for our midterm tomorrow, but I didn't look at it until tonight. It's basically just dictation, and I guess if i get lucky those will the be the dictations she uses for the test tomorrow. I doubt it though, but maybe. I think that I might have a better chance of doing well tomorrow if she uses those ones from the book, but that still doesn't guarantee that I'll do well. I really need to study more. But sometimes it feels like all I do is study, and when I'm not studying I feel guilty for not studying. I don't think I'm doing my best, but I also don't really know how to balance the whole studying/homework thing with the rest of my life. I'll get it figured out. I just hope that my GPA doesn't suffer because I haven't figured it out. I'll let you know how the test goes tomorrow. It's my second midterm, but the first one didn't count because it was for my online class and we're still doing pretty basic stuff in there. So really tomorrow is my first midterm. I'm pretty nervous, so I hope that I do well.

After I finish this post I have to go and finish up this IPA (International Phonetics Alphabet) thing. It's pretty interesting, but I don't want to be tested on it. I'm really nervous for the midterm in that class. I'm not really sure what to study. I think we have a review tomorrow, and I really hope it helps.

Today was a pretty good day for me. School was hard again, but I'm doing my best, and that's all I've been asked to do right now. I was never promised that things would be easy for me, but I've got that constant guidance that says that it's all for my benefit.

I think that the best part of today was the FHE we had. We watched that new movie about the life of Emma Smith. It was really inspirational. I learned a lot of things from that movie that I didn't expect to learn, and I felt a lot of feelings that I didn't expect to feel. It was a good movie, and it was good that i spent some quality time with my family. Before the movie started i was helping my sister with some of her singing problems. It was pretty fun. I got a small experience with what it's like to be a real vocal teacher. It was interesting, and I understand now what they mean by teachers trying to impart all their knowledge in one lesson. I quickly learned that I had to focus on one thing to improve instead of twelve. It was a good learning experience, and I enjoyed spending some time with my sister. We don't do that very often, so it was fun. It was also pretty cool to see her take interest in something that really interests me. It was a cool experience, and I'll probably be helping her out more in the future too.

I also got to teach in my intro to music ed class today. We had to teach something non-musical in five minutes or less and so I decided to teach them a frisbee throw. I ended up teaching them two because I had enough time. So I taught the class the thumber and the forehand throws. It was pretty fun. I brought them all paper plates to practice with and I let a few students throw the real frisbee. i think it went pretty well, but it did get a little crazy when I let them run free with the paper plates. It was a good experience though, and it was great to see how I would handle a classroom setting.

All in all it was a good day today. Tomorrow will be interesting, but hopefully I'll have a good report for you when tomorrow rolls around. Good night, friends. I hope you're all doing well. Have a spectacular day tomorrow!

-Fluffy

(8) You are loved (8)

So today was a pretty good day for me. I started off the day by going to conference with Alan. It was one of the coolest experiences of my life. I was so excited, and the session was so good. You know, I know that there's more than 13 million members of the church, but I love that certain speakers can get up and I feel like they know who I am. I can just feel their unconditional love for each member.

I really just felt loved today, and to be honest, it's been kind of a while since I've really felt like there some was someone who honestly loved me.

This will segway into my next topic. I thought a lot about being little kids today. It was my sister's birthday yesterday and so we had our little family part tonight. I was pretty excited because my cute little cousins come over on occasions like this and I haven't seen them for quite a while because of busy schedules and stuff. So I just love that when they walk in the door the first thing they do is yell my name and run over and give me a huge hug. It just makes me feel so good to see the goodness and the pure love that they have. After they ran in the door, they immediately wanted me to come and play with them. So we ended up jumping on the trampoline, which really means that they sat in the middle and I bounced them until my thighs started burning. It was so great to see them for a little while. They probably don't know how much they mean to me, but really I look up to them a lot.

How great would it be if everytime I saw someone that I love that I would rush to their side, hug them, and let the know that I really do care about them? When did we all lose that type of pure love? Now things are so much more complicated. Rushing to the side of a boy and hugging him as tightly as possible means some different things than it did when I was five. haha I sometimes wish that I could just go back to being as open and loving as most little children are. Wouldn't I be so much cooler if I just invited everyone to play with me no matter who they were? It sounds pretty corny, but really can't all of us think of multiple times when we've felt left out of something you wish you could have been involved in? And haven't there been times when someone's included you and you nearly cried because you were so happy that they thought of you? I know I can. I've tasted both sides of that pancake, and I know which side has the sweetest syrup. (That was a good analogy... oh, yeah)

I guess that I'm just trying to say that I know why we're supposed to become as little children. Most little kids are inclusive and excited about things. I wrote a little while ago about daring to be enthusiastic. I'm not saying that I'm going to run around hugging everyone and yelling their names and stuff, but really and sincerely being enthusiastic about other people's successes or just being there for other people.

President Monson touched on the importance of people today. He talked about how our problems shouldn't become more important than the people in our lives. I thought it was a really good point. I've definitely fallen victim to the stress thing, and it really hasn't done me any good. But listening to and caring about people will always get me somewhere.

Conference was really good this weekend, and so was my day. I learned a lot from the people around me, and I'm ready to try and implement a few things into my life. I'm starting out small, because sometimes I tend to put way too many things on my plate at one time. But these small changes will help me out in the long run. I'm ready to find joy in the journey. I'm ready to stop dwelling on things that I can't fix. My friends may be gone, but I still have a life to live here. I still have people here that will help me, and I'll help them too. Things might be changing, but I'm going to do my very best to find joy in things. It's going to be difficult, but it will be something that will really help me be a better and happier person.

Today was good. I'm still struggling with a few things, but I feel a renewed faith to press on and do good. Things are going to be all right. I just need to press on with hope and faith. I really hope that you're all doing well. I say that every night, but please know that I always mean it. Good night, friends. Good luck with everything you're doing right now. You are loved. Josh Groban said so. (I totally stole that from James... so funny.)

-Fluffy

(8) I feel the earth move under my feet (8)

So today was a pretty interesting day for me. I had to wake up super early. That was pretty terrible actually. And I thought I'd get a nap before conference, but that definitely didn't happen. So I watched conference and then I went to work. Work was all right today, and it was good to see everyone that I haven't seen for a few weeks.

So today I just feel good. This morning I didn't feel so good, but conference helped me out a lot on that one. There were a lot of things said that I really needed to hear. It sort of gave me that push I needed. Alan just called me to invite me to go to conference with him!! I am so excited! I know it's probably strange, but I was really wanting to actually go to a session of conference this time. I've never been you know...

That just made my day so much brighter. I hope that you're all doing well. Remember I'm always here if you want or need someone to talk to. Good night, friends.

-Fluffy

(8) I thank my lucky stars to be livin' here today (8)

Can I just tell you how grateful I am for tender mercies. There are some days when I just feel like I can't press on any more or I feel like there's no one left in the world that cares about me. And then I get a funny little text, a kind phone call, or someone just decides to tell me that they care about me. It really does mean a lot to me when people just show that they care because some times it's really easy to feel like I'm pushing through this life with only help from above. And it's nice to be reminded that there are people who are here on this earth that really care about me too. It's just nice to know that the things that I'm trying to do to help other people actually influence them, and that what I do really matters.

So I've been really into quotes lately. I like to write down funny things that people say or things that touch my heart. The quote for today came from the Relief society broadcast from last weekend. I really liked the talk that President Uchtdorf gave during the broadcast. It was one of those talks that you feel like it was given just for you. So I liked it enough to look it up again today and reread it while I had my break during school. So I was reading and I came across a line that really made me feel good about things. He said, "Don’t let the voice of critics paralyze you—whether that voice comes from the outside or the inside." I really liked that he included the inside in this statement. I don't know about all of you, but I can be my harshest critic. It's really to get down on myself when I don't do things exactly the way I think I should be able to do them. I just thought it was a really good quote, and it was a really good talk. I would definitely recommend reading it. It was really good and funny, and it made me feel better about the direction I'm heading.

So today was full of a lot of interesting turns. I did some practicing and finished most of my homework. So it was successful as far as school goes. I'm not so sure how I did friend wise, but I sat in a group of people at our convo today, and that made me feel pretty good about things. It's still just different, and it's an adjustment that I'm still trying to make. It's worth it because I know that everything's going to be all right in the end. I'll eventually find my niche and make good friends. Some things just take time and patience, and that's what I'm doing now. I'm relying on the belief that all of this will turn out for the better and that I'll always have help along the way.

This post was just full of random thoughts that I had today and right now, and I'm not really sure how it turned out. I hope that you're all doing well tonight. Hooray for all right days. I sincerely hope that you're all doing well and that things are going well for you. I'm always here, and I'll always care.

-Fluffy

(8) Why can't we be friends? (8)

Well, it's pretty late right now. So I apologize if this entry is pretty short. Today was a pretty good day for me again. I definitely didn't get everything done that I needed to today, but I did pretty well. While I was at school I did my best to use every moment to do things that needed to get done, and that was actually quite successful for me. I got in some good practice time which I really needed, and I'm feeling a little better about some of my midterms. We'll see how they go for reals, but I'm feeling all right about a few of them.

Well, I'm not really sure that I have anything to say tonight. Things went well, and I felt good about the day. I didn't really have any overwhelming feelings or anything, so today was just pretty steady and normal. Hopefully tomorrow I'll have more time to write. It'll probably be earlier too so I'll be more coherent. Well, good night. I'm sorry that this is so short. I'm just really tired. I hope you're all doing well. Night'.

-Fluffy