(8) If I cut my hair, if I change my clothes, will you notice me? (8)

OK so today was super awesome. Well, at least the beginning and the end. The middle was filled with some... interesting adventures, but I'll talk about that a little later in the post. Ok, I'll talk about it now because it was the most terrifying thing of my life. I'll try really hard to be kind. So, I had like a four hour break between my last class and my sorority, and that's not enough time to go home and then come back because it's just not worth it. So I decided to ask a few girls from my sorority that are also in the music program what they were doing after the whole class thing, and they told me they were going to IHOP. I thought to myself, self, this will be great. I'll get to know these girls better and I'll eat. It sounded perfect. No, it wasn't perfect. The boy that was driving was crazy. He thought it would be fun to drive 25 mph over the speed limit. So before I go further you have to know that I am an extrememly cautious person. I don't really like to do things that are too exciting unless they're planned, I'm in a weird mood, or they're not really that exciting.

So, moving on with the story. This kid finally gets pulled over by a cop for being an idiot, and the cop asks this kid to get out of his car. Meanwhile, there are four girls in this crappy car on the side of the freeway entrance. So, the cop proceeds to lecture this boy about how driving fast is bad. I really wanted to get out of the car, run to the cop, and hug him. He told him that when there are other people in the car he has more lives that he's responsible for and all that jazz. I was so happy that the cop told him off and gave him a ticket. I felt like he was looking out for me personally which made me feel pretty good inside. Anyways, so then the cop leaves and we leave as well and the kid proceeds to drive slower. I wouldn't say safer, but slower, and I'm still alive. That's the good news of the day.

Then, my sorority was super awesome tonight! Holy mariah I loved it. I really like the president because she's nice to me. I think that I'll really like it there.

So, onto the real subject of tonight. It's something that I was thinking about today that is really frustrating/angering me. So I don't really ever get angry. Well except that one time with Thatcher, and I still feel bad about that, but we won't go into that right now. So, I was thinking today about personal appearances. Now I wrote a post about this kind of a really really really long time ago. I think that it may have been either the very first or one of the very first posts I ever wrote. My opinion about the matter hasn't changed much except that it's gotten more mature, I suppose. So I was just thinking about all this personal appearance stuff and relationships and how you get one and all this mumbo jumbo of random thoughts floating through my head when I honed in on one thing that really irks me. I just wish that we weren't all so caught up in people's personal appearance. I can't say that I'm not, although I would like to think that I'm not "caught up" in it; however, I do notice it.

As i was thinking about this today I wondered why we all care so much about the way that we look and the way that other people look as well. Sometimes I just think that it's silly that we base so much of who people are based on what we see on the outside of people. All of these thoughts lead me to think about myself and where I fit into this whole beautifulness stuff. I guess that I think that I'm somewhat attractive. I am by no means a gorgeous person, but I think that I'm relatively average which is all right with me. I'm happy with myself the way I am. There are things that I would change if I could, but there are a lot of things that I wouldn't change because I like myself the way that I am. The thing that gets me so frustrated is when I feel like other people want me to change or make me feel like I need to change. The people that I'm talking about can be a number of things like the media, peers, parents etc. There are a lot of outside influences trying to get us to think about ourselves in a certain way and what we should look like to be accepted in society as a beautiful person. I just wish that it didn't matter so much. That's probably why my favorite scripture mastry from last year was 1 Samuel 16: 7. It just makes me happier inside to know that someone can look past all of the imperfections and into the most important part of people. Because as much as the world might try and convince all of us that the most important part is the outer, I know that the very most important part is the inner, what we're really made of, stuff.

I guess I just hope that someday, in the future, I'll meet someone who will look past my outer stuff and into the part of me that's actually worth something, or, more importantly, someone who will love both parts of me. Until then, I'll just keep working on improving and loving myself. I know I'm not perfect, but I keep pressing forward. Some days are more successful than others, but that's OK. As long as I'm trying my best to improve, improve, improve, then I'm doing what I know is right, and I think that knowing and implementing all of that into my life is and should be a lot more important than the headband I wear or the golden ratio of my face.

I don't know, this is just something that's really been bothering me lately. It's just sad that we base so much of our opinions of people on what they are on the outside. I realize that the outer is important for a number of reasons, I just think that we sometimes get way too wrapped up in that side of attraction and/or judgement or others.

Sorry if this was a weird topic of discussion. It was just really bothering me today; however, I'm still doing great. :) I didn't die today, which was definitely a plus, and tomorrow is the big day. I hope you're all doing well. Sweet dreams.

-Fluffy