(8) Big girl (you are beautiful) (8)

Today is post 100! This may be a bit over the top, but I don't really care. I'm having fun with my blog today. I've been thinking a lot about what I would put for post 100 and so I looked at activities you can do for 100 day in school. But none of them really seemed to fit into the blogosphere. So instead I'm just going to list some things about myself. Lame? Probably. Am I going to do it anyway? Yes.

10 Things that make me happy... (no particular order)

1. Balloons
2. Happy Children
3. Music
4. Boys that like girls for who they are and not what they look like
5. Sugar Free pudding and jell-o jigglers
6. dance parties
7. Breaks from school
8. Playing Games
9. Winning Games
10.The Rain

3 Things I love...

1. Family
2. Friends
3. The Gospel

12 Songs or artists that I like right now...

a) Hairspray (almost all of the songs)
b) Big girl you are beautiful by Mika
c) Rascal Flatts (all of their songs)
d) Try a little tenderness by Michael Buble
e) Colbie Cailet
f) Carrie Underwood
g) Daughter of a King
h) Steadfast and Immovable
i) So close from Enchanted
j) Bella's Lullaby from Twilight
k) The Mo Tab
j) BYU Men's Choir

5 Things I don't like...

1. Cottage Cheese
2. Anxiety
3. Snow
4. Stupid boys
5. Shopping for Clothes

5 fun goals that I have...

1. Go somewhere cool and do humanitarian work
2. Sky Dive
3. Eat something exotic while being somewhere exotic
4. Go on a road trip with friends
5. River Raft

3 Serious goals I have...

1. Be a wife and mom
2. Go on a mission if it's right for me
3. Join the Mo Tab

Top 5 Movies...

1. Heavyweights
2. Emperor's New Groove
3. Enchanted
4. Hairspray
5. The Goofy Movie

Top 4 TV shows...

1. Iron Chef America
2. Biggest Loser
3. Food Network Challenge
4. What Not To Wear

Well that's probably enough. I could go for 100 but I don't think anyone would enjoy reading that many things about me. ;) That was fun! I hope that the 100th post lived up to everyone's expectations. It certainly lived up to mine. I had a lot of fun writing those lists and making that picture. Now I need to go study.

Have a great night, everyone. Happy 100th post day!

-Fluffy

(8) All I want for Christmas is you (8)

I haven't written here for a while, but I feel like I want to tonight. I'm feeling... thoughtful tonight. I have some time before I need to start studying for my final on Tuesday so I thought I'd stop by and write. Sometimes it's nice to just write for me. Not because I have a final paper due or a chart to make for something, but just because I feel like writing. My grammer isn't super great when I write here, but I feel all right about that.

Today was a day mixed with all sorts of emotions and feelings. Stuart's farewell meeting was awesome, then I had a near anxiety attack at his house because of all the people, then I made a new friend at church, then I ate my favorite dinner, then I thought about some more difficult things, and now I'm writing to try and forget about the difficult things. My day has been filled with all sorts of ups and downs. My tiredness is probably adding to the more down areas, but all in all it's been a pretty good day.

I'm going to be honest. Sometimes I don't always say everything I want to say on this blog because I know other people read it, but I guess that's probably a good thing. But for the sake of the post, it's been a pretty good day.

So I have my finals coming up this week. I'm feeling pretty good about most of them, so hopefully I'll do well. I also have juries. Those could either be really terrifying or kind of fun depending on how I feel on Tuesday. I'm hoping that it'll lean more towards the fun side. But we'll see what happens.

I know that what I'm doing is what I'm supposed to be doing. Do I always think that it's spectacular? Not always. But I'm happy to report that I am pretty happy with my life right now. Well, I'm off to study. Wish me luck.

-Fluffy

(8) I would walk 500 miles (8)

Well I'm writing today because I have nothing better to do. I'll start working on my theory soon, but I don't think it's going to take me three hours... My class was cancelled, and for that I am grateful. But I don't know what to do with myself. I'm meeting with my adviser at one and it is now 10:42. That's still a long ways away. So I'll write here. I'm getting ever closer to 100 posts. I'm sure that no one but me thinks that's pretty exciting, but when it's post 100 you'll all know ;)

Today has been just a really dandy day. I played pretty well for my French Horn playing test, and yesterday I kept myself at a relatively solid A in my online class. I'm not sure that I'll be able to keep it up for the final, but I'm doing my very best. And I finally picked a song for my keyboarding recital. It's in two weeks so I hope I have time to make it beautiful. I'm playing a very beautiful arrangement of Silent Night. I think it'll be a lot of fun. I won't get the extra credit for having it memorized, but I'll play something :D

The best part of today was being a spy. Jessica and I were coughing spies during our break. It was pretty fun.

I am so so so excited for Thanksgiving break. Just thinking about pumpkin pie makes me hungry. It'll be a really good weekend to just do whatever I want. I think that I'm going to go to the little volleyball tournament that my ward is having. I asked for work off so I could go, and now I just have to be brave. Sometimes playing games (especially sports) with boys isn't very fun. But I told myself that if I go I'm just going to have fun and do my best. I haven't played for quite a while, but I love volleyball. I'm just scared some huge boy is going to spike it in my face. Wouldn't that be terrible? I keep envisioning it in my head over and over. Scary. But really, it should be a fun thing for Saturday. I'll let you know if my face gets torn off by a volleyball. Hopefully nothing that traumatic happens, but you never know.

Well I've now wasted about 8 minutes writing this post, so I guess I'll do some theory. Boo theory. Have a spectacular day everyone!

-Fluffy

(8) nee, nay, nah, no, noo (8)

So something pretty spectacular happened this very day. Flash back about three and a half hours ago to my voice lesson. I walked into said lesson with little else on my mind but making it through the lesson without drying out my throat because I lost my water bottle. I was focused on making it through and getting to other parts of my day. So we start with the usual "nee nay nah no noo" warm-up and I feel like I'm doing pretty well. Now fast forward 20 minutes. We're starting a more difficult warm-up and he tells me a specific ways he wants me to sing the warm-up. So I do. Then, the break through. Suddenly I was singing all mature like. My teacher says, "I think we found Melissa's voice," and we continue to work on it. It was amazing. I have NEVER heard myself sound so... grown up while I sing. I mean I'm not going to be an opera star or anything, but I sounded mature. It's cool. There was so much more power and freedom in my voice. It was really really really cool, and it made me feel pretty good too.

Today's been interesting, and that story might have been a bit more exciting about 3 hours ago when my lesson was over. I was feeling pretty giddy around that time. But it's still a good story and a good day. I have a lot more day left, but I'm excited for it.

I really just wanted to stop in and write about that story. So, I'll be posting again tomorrow hopefully. Have a super good night, friends. I hope you're all doing really well.

-Fluffy

(8) This is just a dream (8)

I wish I could sing like Carrie Underwood. I've been watching the CMA awards for the past little while. She was the best. No battle. My mom just told me she's the female vocalist of the year, and I'm not too surprised. She rocks.

So it's been a pretty long time since I've written on this blog of mine. Nine days according to Katie. ;) I'm doing really quite well with this whole school thing. There are still things that I need to do better, but I'm trying. I'm making friends, and I'm even doing something with a few of them this weekend. I wasn't sure that I'd ever have friends at school, but I'm happy that I do. They're great.

I kind of want to write for the next 5 days in a row so that I can get to 100 posts. I'm not sure that I'll do it, but the 100th post on this blog is going to be a pretty spectacular one. I might even draw balloons on paint and post them here. We'll see what happens.

Life is good and things are going well. That definitely doesn't mean that there aren't hard days, but it means that those days are fewer and less significant. I hope you're all doing well and that things are going great for you. Good luck with school, work, or whatever you're doing these days.

-Fluffy

P.S. Shout out to Katie. Good luck with your tests! You'll be great!

(8) Rollin' Rollin' Rollin' (8)

I'm writing from the music building's computer lab. I heard someone say that they had twelve music classes this semester... and here I was thinking that ten was bad. So, I'm slowly realizing that this keeping my head barely above water thing isn't working out so well for me. I've never been much of a studier, but I think I'm going to have to start working harder at this homework thing. We did rhythm clapping today and talked about instrumental music. What if I get stuck teaching instrumental music?!? What am I going to do? I know nothing about instrumental music, and I definitely don't know enough to teach other people how to do it.

I'm feeling really stressed right now, so I thought that writing on my blog would help me relieve some of that stress. It's working, and I'm feeling a little better.

Yesterday was a really good and bad day for me. I got a lot of things done that should have been done a long time ago, but it still felt good to finish it. I did a tiny bit of homework this week, but not enough. I had a sudden prompting that I needed to go to the CES fireside last night. I've been to one before, and it was all right. But literally I felt like I needed to go about five minutes before it started. So I ran down stairs and threw on a dress all while thinking about how crazy I was acting and I dashed over to the church. I made it just as the opening song was starting. I definitely needed to be there. The presiding bishop talked a lot about what we would make of ourselves. It was good for me to hear. I mean I'm progressing and doing well, but there's still more that I can be doing. The only hard part was realizing that I still have no friends in my singles ward. But I'm sure I'll find some soon. I was worried about it last night, but I'm not super worried about it today. I'll be there for a year at least. That gives me plenty of time to make friends. I hope.

I lead the music in sacrament meeting yesterday! It was absolutely terrifying. It was pretty fun though after I got past the feeling of terror. So it ended up being a pretty exciting adventure.

So my good news of the day is that I got a new job. I start today. I'm working at my mom's school on Mondays after I get out of school. I'm going to be an aide for their after school choir program. So basically I'm going to teach small children to sing. That's the goal at least, and I'm pretty excited about it. Well, I'm scared and excited, but it'll be good. It'll be a really great way for me to ease into the whole teaching business. We'll see how it goes...

So yeah, that's my life right now. I'm getting almost enough sleep, not studying hard enough, trying to change, trying to balance, teaching, learning, and most importantly I'm just trying to be my very best me. It's working pretty well, but I'm not feeling quite so great about everything today. I'm going to try and work harder at this school thing.

I hope you're all doing well. Things are great here minus the cold, and I hope they're great for all of you as well. Have a great week and a spectacular Monday.

-Fluffy

(8) It feels like today (8)

Doesn't it feel great to just feel great about things? It just feels so great tonight to be moving forward and being who I am. I'm not really sure how to describe how I feel other than saying that I feel rather content. I felt content a lot today and I thought about a lot today. The past few days have been really good for me. I haven't done as much school work as I should, but I've been moving forward on some other things. Now I just need to focus on the school side again for a bit.

Things are going well, and I'm feeling good. I hope that you're all doing well tonight too. Have a great weekend, and I hope your Halloween was filled with awesomeness. Night.

-Fluffy

(8) Someone needs your star (8)

Something pretty great happened this fine evening. It wasn't really what I planned to have happen, but it turned out really well. My family was going to go out to dinner tonight to support my sister in this fundraiser she's doing for soccer, but Glen called me and invited me to go and see a play with him at Hale. Into the Woods is a great play by the way. Loved it. I had a really good time with Glen, and his parents were super nice to me.

The point of the story is that tonight made me feel like I'm doing all right. I'm not perfect or anywhere near perfect, but I'm doing OK. It's just a good feeling to feel like I don't need to worry so much about the future and other things that seem to be so pressing. I don't need to worry so much about people not liking me. I think deep down somewhere in my heart I really do know that things are going to be great in the end. It's just been hard to remember that every day. It's especially hard to remember that when I don't feel like things are going the way I think they should. But today I feel like things are going to be all right. Today was a little push towards following yesterday's quote of the day.

Things really are going well for me. I'm moving forward and learning new things about myself. I'm learning to be open to other people and to let people in to see who I am. It's super scary for me, but I'm doing it because I know that it's the best thing for me. I really hope you're all doing well tonight. I'm always here to talk if you need someone or if you just want someone to say hi to. :) Good night, friends. Good luck with your Tuesday.

-Fluffy

"When referring to an individual, including yourself, never use the word 'just'." -President Hinckley

(8) It's not like you (8)

Hey, friends. I don't really have anything special to write about tonight, but I do like writing on my blog. This weekend has been pretty interesting for me. It was so great to see everyone. It's just great to have people around me that really care about me. It was nice.

The quote of the day is a pretty awesome one. It's from this last conference, and I think it sort of sums up what I need to do right now. Things are different, but that doesn't mean it has to be miserable. I'm going to try my very best to "love it."

I guess I really don't have too much to say tonight. I just wanted to stop by and let you all know that things are going well. Things are moving along and I'm learning and growing. I hope that you're all doing well tonight as well. Good night, friends. Good luck with your week.

-Fluffy

"Come what may, and love it." -Joseph B. Wirthlin's mother

(8) I've got you under my skin (8)

Today has been a super crazy day for me. I was late getting up this morning so I had to drive to school. I really like driving to school because I feel some sort of strange comfort knowing that my car is with me. It just feels great knowing that I can bring EXTRA things to school and keep them in my car. I know it's weird, but it makes me pretty happy. But driving also has a pretty big downside coupled with it. I have to walk from the institute building to David Gardner hall, and that's a really long walk. Plus it was cold. I do look pretty cute today though. So things could be worse. ;)

I thought about things being worse twice today. Just now and earlier when I was feeling fat. I looked at the elevator's capacity of 4000 lbs and thought, "at least I can fit on the elevator." "Things could be worse." It made me smile and laugh to think that in my head. It was a shame that there was no one in the elevator that I could share the random thought with. It was a pretty good one.

I had to sing for the whole vocal music freshman class today. There's a little more than 40 of us, and I thought I was going to die. I was so scared. And I had picked my "brave" song to sing last night when I was feeling brave. I wasn't feeling quite so brave this morning, but I felt like I did really well. I gave it my all. My legs and hands were shaking uncontrollably, but I feel good about it. It felt good to do well, and I'm really grateful that I feel good about it. My voice lesson went well too. He told me I have good over tones. I like over tones so I guess I'm pretty glad that I have good ones ;)

Today has been a pretty silly day. Stressful and long? Yes. Good? Also a yes. Things are going to be all right. There is so much that I can improve, but I'm still going strong with my small and simple goal. It's really working for me to try and make a few smaller things better right now. Things are going well for me, and I really hope that things are going well for all of you as well. Have a stupendously spectacular day!

-Fluffy

The quote today isn't the quote that I was looking for, but it's by the same man. It's a really great quote. Hopefully I'll be able to find the other quote that inspired me to look him up. Sorry, it's long. :)

"Life is simply time given to man to learn how to live. Mistakes are always part of learning. The real dignity of life consists in cultivating a fine attitude towards our own mistakes and those of others. It is the fine tolerance of a fine soul. Man becomes great, not through never making mistakes, but by profiting by those he does make; by being satisfied with a single rendition of a mistake not encoring it into a continuous performance; by getting from it the honey of new, regenerating inspiration with no irritating sting of morbid regret; by building better to-day because of his poor yesterday; and by rising with renewed strength, finer purpose and freshened courage every time he falls." -William George Jordan

"Happiness is your heritage"

Well today was interesting. Did I do anything monumental? Not really. Did I learn a few things that I can do better? I sure did. I had a few of those "Melissa, things really aren't as bad as you're making them out to be," moments. One of those moments happened while I was talking to a new friend. She's kind of having some of the same struggles that I'm having, but she told me that she knows that the U is where she needs to be so she's decided to put her all into it. She's going to make school one of her top priorities.

Am I ready for that right now? No. I can feel in my heart that I'm not ready to let go of some things and make school and making new friends my focus. I'm still trying to figure out how to balance everything, but I feel like in the next little while I'll be able to figure out all that stuff. There have been some nights (my blogging can attest to this) where I've been really really ready to move forward and to be better and to change the world, feed the hungry, and be awesome. I think that doing all of that is going to take a lot more work than I anticipated. So my new plan is to start out slow. I'm changing small things instead of my whole life. I'm being me, but I'm trying to move towards doing things a little bit better than before. I'm not ready for HUGE changes right now. I've had enough of those in the past little while. Now I'm ready to focus on a few smaller things that can be improved.

Things are going to be all right. Good night, friends. I really hope things are going well for you.

-Fluffy

"As spirit daughters of our Heavenly Father, happiness is your heritage." -Dieter Uchtdorf

(8) You hold more goodness than you know (8)

Well, I took a pretty long break from posting for a while there. I'm not really sure how I feel about it. It's good because I'm writing when I really feel like writing, but it's bad because I don't get that day to day reflection on what I've done and where I'm headed. I'm not really sure which of those will win out in the end, but for now I'm sticking to the writing every once in a while thing. We'll see how it goes.

I've been complaining a lot lately. Maybe I feel like talking about the things that are hard for me feels like complaining. Either way I don't really like it when I complain to people. Sorry Katie. :) I'm going to try and fix that. Things are kind of hard for me right now, and I've been getting the counting my blessings and counting my trials mixed up. It's a whole lot easier to count my trials and say "Look at this! What is going on?" than it is to look at my life and focus on all the good things.

Thatcher wrote that he was ready to be better, and I'm really proud of him for that. I wish that I were in that place tonight. I wish that I were ready to move on and do better things, but tonight I feel kind of stagnant. I feel stuck in the position of trying to hold to things from the past and moving on to new things. It seems like every time I try to move on and be happy and do better, something pulls me back to the less happy side. Right now I feel more like I'm trying to get by. It's kind of like the difference between running through the grass and running through the swimming pool. I'm still moving forward in the swimming pool, but it's a languid forward. It's like I'm using every part of myself to pull myself out of my bed and live another day. It's not that I don't love swimming (AKA life.) It's just been a little bit harder lately to understand why certain things are happening and why I'm feeling certain things.

I'm sort of feeling like I'm at that crossroad between letting go of some things and holding on to other ones. I don't want to let go of some things, but it hurts to hold on to them as tightly as I am. I'm just not really sure what I'm going to do right now. Will I be OK this week? Only time will tell. I'm sure I'll be fine, but will I come out of it emotionally and mentally in tact? Maybe not. We'll see.

We're hoping for the best this week. I'm shooting for the stars and saying that things are going to be all right. I'm going to hold on to what I know will keep me sluggishly shoving myself through the water. And I'll keep a smile on my face. Oh yeah, I can multi-task.

Good luck with your week, friends. I really hope that things go well for you and that you're not pushing through the water. If you are, I'm sure you'll come out a better person. That's what I'm trying to focus on: the big picture. Good night, friends.

-Fluffy

“Work will cure your grief. Serve others.” -President Hinckley

Compassionionate Service

Sorry to post twice in one night, but I've been thinking about something and I feel like it's something that I really need to say. It could be for the benefit or someone who reads this or it could just be for my own benefit. Either way I think it's an important concept that I'm slowly learning.

You know all of us are trying to do our best. I don't think that very many of us try to be bad at talking on the phone or keeping in touch, but we're not perfect people. We don't always do or say the right things because we're all still learning how this whole human thing works. We're all still trying to figure out if there's such a thing as loving too much or if it's safe to put our complete love into people. Some of us are still learning the significance of faith and the role it plays in our life. There are just so many things that we're all trying to achieve and learn in this life.

Compassion is something that's really important to me. Ms. Parrish once said something about when we lose compassion then we lose what it means to be human. There's a lot of significance in that statement. Compassion is something that is easy to have but not always easy to remember. What I mean is that sometimes it's easier to feel compassion for people when it's obvious that they need our compassion. Seeing someone sick or hurt automatically brings about a certain amount of compassion from the observing people because it's one of those univeral human truths. Compassion is something that we all understand and feel when we see someone in need.

But how much more difficult is it for us to feel compassion for the man who cuts us off or the family member who seems to be acting impossible? It's a lot harder to have compassion when we can't see deep into the problems and challenges that people are facing on the inside. It's a lot easier to recognize outward problems and so it's a lot easier to have sympathy towards individuals who suffer outwardly. But i believe that compassion lies deeper than that. I believe that true compassion happens when we can see inward battles and find ways to heal them. Perspective is huge. Attempting to understand why people do the things they do makes it so much easier to find the strength to help them. Seeing someone suffering and doing something about it is what I think compassion is.

I wanted to see how a real dictionary would define compassion so I went to dictionary.com. The first definitely for compassion is this, "a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering."

You know, there are a lot of people who are suffering right now, and I know that I can do a lot more to "alleviate the suffering." Sometimes just smiling or saying hi to people can really help. We don't have to do huge things to help, but every small act of kindness helps move the work forward. We're all doing our best while we're here. We're all trying to put our best foot forward and find that true inner happiness. I know where I can find that true inner happiness, and I'm working really hard to keep that happiness with me always because I know how important that happiness is. I need it. Having a little bit of compassion for others can make a huge difference if we'll let ourselves do our part. This work will move forward and we will be able to help other people move forward with the compassion we show towards them. Please know that we're all doing our best. We're all just trying to make it through this earth life while enjoying the journey. Making our boxes bigger is scary, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't do it. This entry is scary for me to post, but I feel it right now. I feel like in order to start progressing I need to be immovable and firm. Doing hard things is a part of this life, and it can only make us stronger and better prepared for our next challenges.

-Fluffy

“Violence is not strength, and compassion is not weakness.” -King Arthur (Camelot)

(8) Quando Quando Quando (8)

Hello there, friends. I have some bad news. Well I guess it could be good news depending on how you feel about my writing. ;) I think that I am officially announcing that I won't be posting every day anymore. I still feel a little undecided about it, but I think it's a good idea for me right now. It kind of makes me feel sad to think about though, but it'll be an opportunity for me to post when I really feel like posting and I'll be able to get some other things done that are a bit more important at this point. I've been slacking on some things, and I think this will help. I won't be writing every night, but I'll still write pretty frequently. Hmmm I didn't think I'd feel so bad about this. It'll be all right though.

It's funny, I didn't really think that I enjoyed blogging quite as much as I do. There's just something really great about writing down what you feel and reading what other people feel. It's sort of a way of binding people together. I like that it's been a really great way of hearing about how other people are doing while they're far away at college. It's nice to reflect on myself as well as read about other people. Blogging is good.

So yes. Today was an interesting day for me. Fall break is turning out...differently than I would like. I'll be working a bit more than I thought, but the money is definitely needed right now. So it'll be good for me and it'll keep me productive. You know that commercial where the girl says that she hasn't had a day off since the fourth grade? I feel like that sometimes lol It's not a bad thing, but it's kind of true. I did get a nap in today though and I went to family home evening. So that was pretty fun. It was a good day. Different that I expected, but still good.

I hope that you're all doing really well tonight. I'm still not sure that I'm ready to let go of this every day thing. I don't always say spectacular things every post, but I still feel like it's helping me in some way. We'll just have to wait and see what happens :) Have a great night, friends.

-Fluffy

(8) R-E-S-P-E-C-T find out what it means to me (8)

Hmmm I'm not really sure how I'm feeling tonight. Sundays are interesting days for me because it's a day that I reflect on how I'm doing and how i can do better for the next week. Sometimes it has the opposite affect that I want it to. Sometimes I can get pretty down on myself when I reflect too much. It's kind of silly, but sometimes reflection and too much thinking are bad things for me. I tend to over analyze and compare, and neither of those things end well.

I'm not really having that problem tonight. I am, but at the same time I'm just kind of feeling pretty weird. I don't like to listen to music while I post because I know that music affects the way I think and feel, but tonight I am listening to music and posting. It's just Mo Tab. So it's not a big deal, but it's still affecting how I feel, and I'm glad that I can recognize that.

I'm turning it off now.

I don't have school this week, and that makes me pretty happy. I really hope that this week is pretty great. I have quite a few good goals planned, and I'm excited to try and implement them into my life. We'll see how it goes.

You know, today I've been thinking a lot about marriage and dating and all of that ridiculous stuff. I'm not wanting to get married right now or anything. I don't think that I'm even looking for anyone to date me seriously right now; however, it would be kind of nice to date every once in a while. It sounds silly, but it really is a concern of mine. I'm sure it's a concern of a lot of people our age. I had a talk with some people a few days ago about how it's easier for a girl to date a guy, but it's easier for a guy to find a girl to date. I just think it's interesting the way that all works out. I guess it's sort of fair, but I still think that the boy gets the sweet end of the deal on that one. Plus their hair is easier to do.

The point of this whole tangent is that sometimes it would be nice to be cared about in that way. Sometimes it would be nice to know that boys don't think I'm gross or something haha Sometimes it would just be nice to be viewed as a girl who's extra-special to someone. Tonight is one of those nights when all of those things seem like they would be really nice.

It's not a huge deal right now for me, but it's just kind of something that I've sort of been thinking about lately. I just wish that I could look at a cute boy and think that there might be even a tiny chance that he could care about me romantically. I'm sorry if that was a weird subject, but I've been thinking about it a lot lately so I thought I'd share. If it was weird just let me know and maybe I won't write about it again.

So another thing that I've been thinking a lot about lately is trust. I think I have some pretty major trust issues. I sort of rerealized this in my voice lesson this week. I learn a lot about myself in those voice lessons of mine... So he told me that I need to trust that my body will hit the notes that I want it to hit and that I don't have to try as hard as I'm trying right now to sing well. I get pretty tense while I'm singing and I kind of try to make my vocal folds do all the work when really the sound should come from the breath and not my throat. He told me that i should trust myself that things will turn out all right while I'm singing.

I've been thinking about that a lot this week as I've been doing random things. I think that there's a really big part of me that doesn't like to trust myself and other people. Somewhere in the back of my mind i don't let myself be all the way me all the time because I'm afraid that someone else won't accept who I am. It's kind of like I feel like myself isn't always good enough. This feeling of unworthiness is bad. I realize that it's bad, and I'm trying to fix it by focusing on all the good things that I do, but it's really hard to do that sometimes. In the same way that it's hard for me to retrain my voice, it's even harder to retrain my heart and mind to be open to people. Sometimes getting too close is dangerous. People leave and hearts get broken all the time so sometimes it's hard for me to put that trust in people. People are so unpredictable that it's scary to put your complete trust in them.

I think it's also good to recognize that I don't always trust myself. It's hard to trust in myself when I know that I'm prone to making mistakes. It's difficult to put your trust in someone that you know pretty completely. When I recognize my shortcomings, it's easier to be cautious than to just go for things. Trusting is hard. Trusting is really hard.

I'm going to work more on trusting this week. I'm going to work on trusting myself, others, and in the higher power that I know is trustworthy. Trusting will be a gradual process, but it'll be worth it. It's worth it to me to find the confidence in myself that I'm lacking right now because i know that I have things to offer. That's easy to forget when boys don't like me or when trusting in myself seems so distant, but I'm going for it. I'm really trying to live my life right now. I'm trying to take chances and to be as courageous as possible.

I hope that you're all doing well tonight. Sorry if anything that i said was awkward for you to read. Both of those topics were things that I've been keeping pretty private, but I feel like talking about them will help me to grow and be a better person. I hope things are going well for all of you. Night.

-Fluffy

"Live your life."

(8) Why are there so many songs about rainbows?"

Do you know what time it is? Holy mariah it's 1:20 AM. It keeps getting worse. If I keep heading this way, then by next week I'll be awake until three in the morning for sure. I can't even think when it's this late.

So today I had a really bad attitude about going to all state downtown. All I could think about was my broken button and how I was going to freeze. So we got down there and got into the concert at about six thirty. It was a really spectacular concert. I felt so bad for having a bad attitude because of how good it was. The sound was great, Dr. Allred was awesome, and the choir was just outstanding. I absolutely loved it. My favorite song was the gospel piece they sang at the very end. I wanted to get up and improvise too. Tomorrow I'm going to try that out and see how it goes. I have a pretty "sweet" sounding voice so I'm not sure that gospel is right for me, but it would be SO cool if it was. It was awesome and i loved it.

Tonight was really fun. I spent a lot of time with people that I really care about, and that made it super. I wouldn't trade today for anything, and I'm so glad that i got to spend it with so many amazing people. So thanks to all the awesome people out there that made my day extra special.

I hope that everyone is having a really great weekend. Tomorrow's going to be a spectacular day. I hope everything is going well for you all. Night.

-Fluffy

Quote of the day: "If I do just a little more every day..." -unknown

(8) Makin' banana pancakes (8)

It's officially 1:00 AM. I think that this could be the latest I've ever posted before. Maybe I'll go back and look, but probably not. It's kind of late. Today was a pretty good day. It was SO hard to go to school this morning. I only had two classes and one of them was choir. I did have a midterm in theory though, so i kind of had to go. I don't think that I'm brave enough to skip school anyway lol So my midterm went pretty well I think. I sure hope it went well, and I guess I'll know soon after fall break.

Fall break... is a glorious thing. There's something really really spectacular about knowing that I don't have classes next week. It will be such a good time to catch up on sleep and stuff. I can't even wait. I have some plans that I posted two posts ago I think. Hopefully I'll stick to them and I won't be too lazy over this break.

Today was a really good day, and I'm glad that I had the opportunity to live it. I'm really trying to improve some things, and today was filled with a lot of steps forward and a few steps back. It's to be expected ;)

Oh how wonderful it will be tomorrow to eat a chocolate chip pancake. I've been wanting one of those for quite a few days now, and I think tomorrow is the day to have one. Good night, friends. I really hope that you all have a great weekend! Much love.

-Fluffy

So I know I've used that title before, but I really want a pancake so I'm using it again.

(8) Try a little tenderness (8)

Today was a relatively good day for me. I feel like my midterms and test went pretty well. The sight singing was a lot better than I thought it would be, and she's a really nice teacher so that helps too. I used to be really quite terrible at sight singing, and it's been cool to see my progress with that one. Pre-performance wasn't so bad either. There were only a few things that i didn't know the answers to. Matching muscles to what their role is in singing was kind of difficult for me, but I really liked the IPA. I got the poem right and I didn't even need to look at my chart. That made me feel pretty good.

In brass study, Mike and I waited until the very last to test on our song. It was actually pretty funny because the rest of the class left because class was over. So it ended up being just me, the teacher, Mike, and a few people that decided to stay because they didn't have class. I did a lot better than I thought I would, and I got to have a pretty good laugh with Mike. It was actually kind of fun aside from still shaking because I was scared. haha Keyboarding really well too, and I did just fine on the song.

I know there was no way i could have done all of those things on my own. There was definitely a lot of divine intervention and I'm really grateful for that. I was so scared for today, and it turned out pretty well.

My sorority was interesting tonight... I'm still trying to get used to it I guess. And I wish that I had someone in there that I knew. Everyone else joined with a friend so I'm a little lonely at the moment. Plus I got lost on the way there. I HATE getting lost because I get so stressed out while I'm lost. But I eventually found it and was only forty five minutes late. They still hadn't started though so it wasn't a big deal.

So yeah, today was a pretty good day for me. I'm exhausted, but I get to sleep in a little bit tomorrow morning which will be really nice. I hope you're all doing well and that things are going well for you. Have a spectacular night and a lovely weekend.

-Fluffy

PS Quote of the day: "Cultivate an attitude of happiness. Cultivate a spirit of optimism. Walk with faith, rejoicing in the beauties of nature, in the goodness of those you love, in the testimony which you carry in your heart concerning things divine." -President Gordon B. Hinckley

"Did you every say, Billy, I love you?"

So I'm just going to be honest. I'm kind of freaking out right now. I have three midterms tomorrow and a test. Who does that in one day? Oh right... music majors. I'm freaking out because I don't feel prepared for any of them except the test. I'm terrified for the midterms... I'll let you know how they go, but I'm seriously stressing out right now.

Have I always been this prone to stress? Katie would probably know... maybe I'll ask her tomorrow. I know things are going to be all right, but I don't even know if i'll be able to sleep at this point. I'm super tired and I have another long day ahead of me, but i'm kind of going over the edge emotionally right now. I'm having this huge inner turmoil that's been lasting all day. I'm sure that tomorrow at around 12:00 I'll be feeling not stressed anymore. I might not feel good, but I won't be stressed...

All right, enough about that. Things are going to work out all right. I'll study again on TRAX in the morning. The happy thing of the day was that I got to watch the biggest loser :D And Jessica brought me a tasty pizza something for lunch and Matt gave me a carmel. So aside from school today was a pretty good day. So yeah, things are going to be all right. I should have studied more I think, but I'm a little overwhelmed so I think I'll head to bed soon. The goal for tonight is eleven, and the goal for fall break is to get my life back into order. Things that includes are as follows. (Not in any particular order)

1. Get ready for my piano midterm
2. Clean my room like crazy
3. Exercise plan and better eating
4. relax
5. not playing the trumpet
6. observations
7. going to my singles ward activities and church
8. figure out anything else that seems to be not going as well as it could

So yeah, that's my plan for fall break. I might work too depending on how things work out. Things are going well for me. I'm super stressed, but i know that it will all be fine in the end. There are worse things that not getting an A. i just have to keep telling myself that. There are worse things that not getting an A... or a B. Oh man today is a funny today. Well I think I'm starting to let the stress take over this post so i should leave before I start saying weirder things.

Have a great night everyone. I hope you're all doing well. :)

-Melissa

(8) Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket (8)

I was going to write something deep and inspiring today, but I'm really just not feeling it today. I feel like there are some things that I could really be doing better at though. I mean last night I only got 5 and a half hours of sleep. Most people are pretty good at living off of that, but it's just not good for me. When I don't get enough sleep, it tends to throw off a lot of things that I've worked hard to be good at. The goal tonight is eleven, and that will get me 7 hours of sleep which is pretty good. It's hard having really early classes and commuting. It's so easy to stay up late and so hard to get up early. I know I've said it before, but I really want to work on getting enough sleep. Because when I get enough sleep focusing and doing all sort of other things is just easier.

I did have a really good day today though. My midterm today wasn't so bad, and I feel like I did pretty well on it. And on the way home on TRAX I talked with some friends and that was pretty fun. They think I'm funny. haha Then I got to hang out with Alan and watch The Biggest Loser. I love that show.

So yeah, it was a good day today. The quote of the day is from my EFY director a few years ago. "Never forget who you are." I'm going to put a little plug in for that one too. We're all pretty important people trying to do pretty important things. And the easiest way to do those things is to remember who we are and why we're doing the things that are important to us.

I hope you're all doing well. Have a super good day tomorrow at school. I still think about all of you a lot and I hope and pray that you're doing well. I'm still here ready and willing to talk if you ever need someone. Have a great night.

-Fluffy

(8) Sing a little sing a little la la la (8)

I'm up a lot later than I should be tonight, but my family decided that it would be a fun thing to have family home evening tonight and I thought that was probably more important than finishing my homework. I still have a little bit more homework to do before I go to bed, but I guess that I can just take a nap when I get home tomorrow. I don't really know what other options I have. I just finished my musicianship studying. I am terrible at dictation, and the problem is that it's really hard to practice dictation because someone has to play a random melody for you to write down. It's just something that's kind of difficult to practice on your own. But my teacher gave us some stuff to study over the weekend for our midterm tomorrow, but I didn't look at it until tonight. It's basically just dictation, and I guess if i get lucky those will the be the dictations she uses for the test tomorrow. I doubt it though, but maybe. I think that I might have a better chance of doing well tomorrow if she uses those ones from the book, but that still doesn't guarantee that I'll do well. I really need to study more. But sometimes it feels like all I do is study, and when I'm not studying I feel guilty for not studying. I don't think I'm doing my best, but I also don't really know how to balance the whole studying/homework thing with the rest of my life. I'll get it figured out. I just hope that my GPA doesn't suffer because I haven't figured it out. I'll let you know how the test goes tomorrow. It's my second midterm, but the first one didn't count because it was for my online class and we're still doing pretty basic stuff in there. So really tomorrow is my first midterm. I'm pretty nervous, so I hope that I do well.

After I finish this post I have to go and finish up this IPA (International Phonetics Alphabet) thing. It's pretty interesting, but I don't want to be tested on it. I'm really nervous for the midterm in that class. I'm not really sure what to study. I think we have a review tomorrow, and I really hope it helps.

Today was a pretty good day for me. School was hard again, but I'm doing my best, and that's all I've been asked to do right now. I was never promised that things would be easy for me, but I've got that constant guidance that says that it's all for my benefit.

I think that the best part of today was the FHE we had. We watched that new movie about the life of Emma Smith. It was really inspirational. I learned a lot of things from that movie that I didn't expect to learn, and I felt a lot of feelings that I didn't expect to feel. It was a good movie, and it was good that i spent some quality time with my family. Before the movie started i was helping my sister with some of her singing problems. It was pretty fun. I got a small experience with what it's like to be a real vocal teacher. It was interesting, and I understand now what they mean by teachers trying to impart all their knowledge in one lesson. I quickly learned that I had to focus on one thing to improve instead of twelve. It was a good learning experience, and I enjoyed spending some time with my sister. We don't do that very often, so it was fun. It was also pretty cool to see her take interest in something that really interests me. It was a cool experience, and I'll probably be helping her out more in the future too.

I also got to teach in my intro to music ed class today. We had to teach something non-musical in five minutes or less and so I decided to teach them a frisbee throw. I ended up teaching them two because I had enough time. So I taught the class the thumber and the forehand throws. It was pretty fun. I brought them all paper plates to practice with and I let a few students throw the real frisbee. i think it went pretty well, but it did get a little crazy when I let them run free with the paper plates. It was a good experience though, and it was great to see how I would handle a classroom setting.

All in all it was a good day today. Tomorrow will be interesting, but hopefully I'll have a good report for you when tomorrow rolls around. Good night, friends. I hope you're all doing well. Have a spectacular day tomorrow!

-Fluffy

(8) You are loved (8)

So today was a pretty good day for me. I started off the day by going to conference with Alan. It was one of the coolest experiences of my life. I was so excited, and the session was so good. You know, I know that there's more than 13 million members of the church, but I love that certain speakers can get up and I feel like they know who I am. I can just feel their unconditional love for each member.

I really just felt loved today, and to be honest, it's been kind of a while since I've really felt like there some was someone who honestly loved me.

This will segway into my next topic. I thought a lot about being little kids today. It was my sister's birthday yesterday and so we had our little family part tonight. I was pretty excited because my cute little cousins come over on occasions like this and I haven't seen them for quite a while because of busy schedules and stuff. So I just love that when they walk in the door the first thing they do is yell my name and run over and give me a huge hug. It just makes me feel so good to see the goodness and the pure love that they have. After they ran in the door, they immediately wanted me to come and play with them. So we ended up jumping on the trampoline, which really means that they sat in the middle and I bounced them until my thighs started burning. It was so great to see them for a little while. They probably don't know how much they mean to me, but really I look up to them a lot.

How great would it be if everytime I saw someone that I love that I would rush to their side, hug them, and let the know that I really do care about them? When did we all lose that type of pure love? Now things are so much more complicated. Rushing to the side of a boy and hugging him as tightly as possible means some different things than it did when I was five. haha I sometimes wish that I could just go back to being as open and loving as most little children are. Wouldn't I be so much cooler if I just invited everyone to play with me no matter who they were? It sounds pretty corny, but really can't all of us think of multiple times when we've felt left out of something you wish you could have been involved in? And haven't there been times when someone's included you and you nearly cried because you were so happy that they thought of you? I know I can. I've tasted both sides of that pancake, and I know which side has the sweetest syrup. (That was a good analogy... oh, yeah)

I guess that I'm just trying to say that I know why we're supposed to become as little children. Most little kids are inclusive and excited about things. I wrote a little while ago about daring to be enthusiastic. I'm not saying that I'm going to run around hugging everyone and yelling their names and stuff, but really and sincerely being enthusiastic about other people's successes or just being there for other people.

President Monson touched on the importance of people today. He talked about how our problems shouldn't become more important than the people in our lives. I thought it was a really good point. I've definitely fallen victim to the stress thing, and it really hasn't done me any good. But listening to and caring about people will always get me somewhere.

Conference was really good this weekend, and so was my day. I learned a lot from the people around me, and I'm ready to try and implement a few things into my life. I'm starting out small, because sometimes I tend to put way too many things on my plate at one time. But these small changes will help me out in the long run. I'm ready to find joy in the journey. I'm ready to stop dwelling on things that I can't fix. My friends may be gone, but I still have a life to live here. I still have people here that will help me, and I'll help them too. Things might be changing, but I'm going to do my very best to find joy in things. It's going to be difficult, but it will be something that will really help me be a better and happier person.

Today was good. I'm still struggling with a few things, but I feel a renewed faith to press on and do good. Things are going to be all right. I just need to press on with hope and faith. I really hope that you're all doing well. I say that every night, but please know that I always mean it. Good night, friends. Good luck with everything you're doing right now. You are loved. Josh Groban said so. (I totally stole that from James... so funny.)

-Fluffy

(8) I feel the earth move under my feet (8)

So today was a pretty interesting day for me. I had to wake up super early. That was pretty terrible actually. And I thought I'd get a nap before conference, but that definitely didn't happen. So I watched conference and then I went to work. Work was all right today, and it was good to see everyone that I haven't seen for a few weeks.

So today I just feel good. This morning I didn't feel so good, but conference helped me out a lot on that one. There were a lot of things said that I really needed to hear. It sort of gave me that push I needed. Alan just called me to invite me to go to conference with him!! I am so excited! I know it's probably strange, but I was really wanting to actually go to a session of conference this time. I've never been you know...

That just made my day so much brighter. I hope that you're all doing well. Remember I'm always here if you want or need someone to talk to. Good night, friends.

-Fluffy

(8) I thank my lucky stars to be livin' here today (8)

Can I just tell you how grateful I am for tender mercies. There are some days when I just feel like I can't press on any more or I feel like there's no one left in the world that cares about me. And then I get a funny little text, a kind phone call, or someone just decides to tell me that they care about me. It really does mean a lot to me when people just show that they care because some times it's really easy to feel like I'm pushing through this life with only help from above. And it's nice to be reminded that there are people who are here on this earth that really care about me too. It's just nice to know that the things that I'm trying to do to help other people actually influence them, and that what I do really matters.

So I've been really into quotes lately. I like to write down funny things that people say or things that touch my heart. The quote for today came from the Relief society broadcast from last weekend. I really liked the talk that President Uchtdorf gave during the broadcast. It was one of those talks that you feel like it was given just for you. So I liked it enough to look it up again today and reread it while I had my break during school. So I was reading and I came across a line that really made me feel good about things. He said, "Don’t let the voice of critics paralyze you—whether that voice comes from the outside or the inside." I really liked that he included the inside in this statement. I don't know about all of you, but I can be my harshest critic. It's really to get down on myself when I don't do things exactly the way I think I should be able to do them. I just thought it was a really good quote, and it was a really good talk. I would definitely recommend reading it. It was really good and funny, and it made me feel better about the direction I'm heading.

So today was full of a lot of interesting turns. I did some practicing and finished most of my homework. So it was successful as far as school goes. I'm not so sure how I did friend wise, but I sat in a group of people at our convo today, and that made me feel pretty good about things. It's still just different, and it's an adjustment that I'm still trying to make. It's worth it because I know that everything's going to be all right in the end. I'll eventually find my niche and make good friends. Some things just take time and patience, and that's what I'm doing now. I'm relying on the belief that all of this will turn out for the better and that I'll always have help along the way.

This post was just full of random thoughts that I had today and right now, and I'm not really sure how it turned out. I hope that you're all doing well tonight. Hooray for all right days. I sincerely hope that you're all doing well and that things are going well for you. I'm always here, and I'll always care.

-Fluffy

(8) Why can't we be friends? (8)

Well, it's pretty late right now. So I apologize if this entry is pretty short. Today was a pretty good day for me again. I definitely didn't get everything done that I needed to today, but I did pretty well. While I was at school I did my best to use every moment to do things that needed to get done, and that was actually quite successful for me. I got in some good practice time which I really needed, and I'm feeling a little better about some of my midterms. We'll see how they go for reals, but I'm feeling all right about a few of them.

Well, I'm not really sure that I have anything to say tonight. Things went well, and I felt good about the day. I didn't really have any overwhelming feelings or anything, so today was just pretty steady and normal. Hopefully tomorrow I'll have more time to write. It'll probably be earlier too so I'll be more coherent. Well, good night. I'm sorry that this is so short. I'm just really tired. I hope you're all doing well. Night'.

-Fluffy

(8) I'm just out to find the better part of me (8)

75! That's three-quarters of the way to 100. Look at me and my sick math skills.

I really like the line that I used for my title today. I just thought I'd listen to Superman by Five for Fighting, and I heard this line. I liked it a lot.

Today was an interesting day for me at school. I actually got pretty stressed out about some things today, and that hasn't happened to me for quite a while. I went to pre-performance and had to leave for a minute because I was getting so stressed out about everything. I sometimes have mini anxiety attacks, and it got kind of close to that. I haven't had one of those since middle of senior year or so. So it was kind of weird, but I'm all right. The day got better after school so that was good.

Nick invited me to a concert with him, and it was a really good one. I'm starting to really enjoy band and orchestra stuff. And especially orchestra. It's probably because the cello plays in orchestras, and they make me happy.

So yeah, it was an ok day. It started off not so good but turned out all right. Through all of this everything I'm just glad that I know my life is being guided and that I'm being watched out for. Thanks for listening friends. I hope you're all having a great time at college. The boys in Logan have to be if James is cooking. ;) Night, friends, and good luck with all your awesome stuff.

-Fluffy

(8) Don't you know you're beautiful just the way you are? (8)

So here I am in my basement again sitting on my lap top and reflecting on the day. This whole blogging thing is really helping figure out what I need to fix and how I can fix it. I like being able to just sit down at the end of the day and reflect. It's nice just to note progress and things that can be done better. It's helpful, and I like it. It's fun to look back and see days that were hard, excellent, or just somewhere in between.

So today was definitely leaning towards one of the more excellent days; however, it definitely didn't start out that way. I woke up today feeling pretty good about the day. I wore a T-Shirt and jeans, and that always makes me happy. The only thing that would have made the outfit better would be the substitution of sweatpants or basketball shorts instead of the jeans. But you win some you lose some. So I headed off to TRAX and got there a little early which is always nice, and when I got to school I ran into Marissa and talked to her for a bit. It's always nice to see friends in the morning. So then I went to my first class and we had a really stupid quiz that was explained terribly unfairly. But a kid in my group complained and the teacher said she'd take care of it. I was actually fairly impressed by that. I thought it was great that she listened to what the students were feeling and saying and said she'd fix it. She recognizes that she makes mistakes, and was willing to correct it. I just thought that was cool, and I logged it away in my brain for future teaching reference.

So then I had about an hour break before my next class and so I walked with Chelsea and Whitney to the computer lab and I hung out there for a bit then went to a practice room to practice for my voice lesson this week. I'm not going to lie, I kind of used that as my escape for a little while. I think the test kind of stressed me out and I was feeling sort of overwhelmed and sad about a few things. So I thought that being alone for a bit and distracting myself would be a good thing.

Then Brock walked with me to theory and we joked about having a pop quiz which we did. It wasn't hard though, so it wasn't a big deal. It was pretty funny though. So yeah, theory was good, and I asked a few good questions that really helped me grasp what we're learning.

I'm feeling like moving in a different direction for the remainder of this post. So I'm going for it. As I was coming back from theory I was still feeling a little low because I was feeling kind of lonely again. But this time I decided to change my attitude and to go to the lounge and talk to some people. So I did. I went and I talked with a really sweet girl from choir and then Chelsea came in and we talked and laughed at funny things that my friends said this weekend. And for the rest of the day I felt really good about things. I missed my trax stop because I was talking with people from school, but it was all right because I was talking with people from school. I guess today was just one of those days where I really learned that focusing on the good is important, and putting forth an effort is important too.

I learned a lot of really good lessons in church yesterday, and it was great to see them in action. I have tons of flaws, but is it really going to make me feel better to focus on them? Of course not, and today I tried that. I tried to be myself and hoped that people liked it. It wasn't so bad, and it made today better because I put forth an effort. I'm not saying that every day is going to be better from now on, but today was an improvement, and that's what is important. Some things really are moving forward and getting better, and that's what I want to focus on.

So that's the moral of the story today. Focus on the good. I'm trying my best to make each day worth something good. Hard days are ahead, but so are so many really great ones. So yeah, today can be considered a success. I did my best to make today worth something, and that feels really good. Good night friends. I really hope you're all doing well and that things are going well for you. Night.

-Fluffy

(8) I have been changed for good (8)

Well today was a really good day for me again. Can I just say that I am really really blessed. I have so many people that really care about me, and I'm given so many opportunities to be better and to feel like I can do better. Do I always do better? Definitely not, but I still always have that option. Each day i wake up is another day that I can decide to work hard and do my best or skim by and not try at all. Some days are harder than others, but I always have the opportunity and I'm grateful for that.

I had to leave some really important people again today. It wasn't as hard as last time, but that doesn't mean it wasn't hard for me. It was nice to have Chelsea in the car to talk with on the way home. We had an exceptionally long time to talk because we got lost on the way home; however, we eventually found our way and we had a really nice talk on the way home. Our lives have actually been really quite similar, and I'm really lucky that I found her. She's one of the only people that I've gotten past the superficial phase with at school. It was nice to talk to her. We talked about school, leaving friends, finding new friends, boys, and just life in general. It was just really really nice to talk to someone who's going through basically the same situation that I am right now. It's nice to just really talk to people that you can tell REAL things to. It's been hard to start over on that surface level with everyone at school because things just didn't seem very personal for a while there. I like things that seem real and genuine, and that just really wasn't happening for a while there. But talking on the way back really just gave me hope for the future. There is definitely room in my heart to love new people. I won't love any of my other friends any less, but there's always more room in my heart for new people. I was pretty protective of my heart for a while there, but I think that I'm ready to open it up and share it. I'm ready to find people that I can really care about. I'm ready to allow new people to be a part of my life.

Katie told me that we're all going to have to adapt to our new surroundings, and to me that means changing. I think I'm pretty easily influenced by the people around me, and so it's a good thing that I always end up with good people in my life. But this weekend really showed me that I don't have to be someone different because I'm with different people, and that being perfect isn't the most important thing. The most important thing is doing my best and sticking to the things that are important to me.

Today was just a really good day for me. It was hard. All right, it was really really hard, but I had a good person there to talk with me. We made it through that awesome and difficult time together, and I learned that my heart's big enough for more people. Caring about new people doesn't mean that I care about other people any less it just means that I care about more people. Well friends, I really hope things are going well for me. Don't forget me, and never forget that I care about each of you. You're all great people who have influenced my life for good, and there are still tons more people who are going to influence me for good as well. Good luck, and I'm always just a phone call or text away.

-Fluffy

(8) I miss mayberry (8)

Eighteen years of attempting to look cute has gotten me no where. That's the moral of the story tonight.

So today was a really good day for me. I'm in Logan again which makes me super happy. It also makes me kind of sad because I have to leave and go back to real life, but it's worth it.

Things are a tiny bit different though. I talked to Katie about this and how certain things I say and do are starting to reflect a few of the people from school rather than friends from high school. It's weird to think that little things like that are changing, and it kind of scares me. I mean I'm pretty much by myself at college and so I've had to basically start completely over. It was really hard at first, but I've started making friends and so it's been easier. It's just weird to think that the people I choose to associate with really do influence me as much as they do. It's so important to surround yourself with good people, and I'm really starting to realize that lately. It kind of makes me sad to think that parts of me are changing. I suppose that it's something that's to be expected, but it just kind of made me take a moment to reflect on where I'm headed and stuff. It was good for me to realize that things are changing, but it's still weird. I'm still the same me, but I'm being influenced by different people. It's just different, and I hadn't really noticed it until today.

So yeah, I'm pretty tired so I think I'm going to head to bed. Have a great night, friends. I hope you're all doing well.

-Fluffy

(8) Take mine (8)

So today I feel pretty good. I was supposed to do an observation this morning for my intro to music ed class, but practically every school district in the state of Utah has today off because of parent-teacher conferences. So I slept in this morning, and it felt great. I officially got eight hours of sleep, and that hasn't happened for a really long time.

So I'm posting from school again because I'm going to be far away ("My name is Lars.") at some distant cabin tonight. I'm actually pretty excited to go. It's for my LDS sorority, and it's our official retreat. I think it'll be really fun to get to know some of the other girls better. I met this one girl at our activity last week because we were practicing for powder puff, and we were both linemen. That's right, I played some pretty mean football, and she thought I was funny so I'm looking forward to getting to know her a little better. She seemed really nice, so I'll let you know what happens with that one.

So last night I went to see Pirates to get a concert attendance report thing, and I loved it! It was one of the funniest plays I've ever seen, and I knew most of the people in the cast. I've been singing the songs in my head all day. Especially the one's that Mabel sings because she was spectacular. It was a really good play, and I went with a new friend from school again so that made it even better.

Things are going great here. I wish I had more to write about, but I've only been awake for four hours. Sorry about that, I just won't have any more time to post later on. I hope you're all doing well. Oh, and I want to clarify one thing from yesterday's post. I wasn't saying that my teacher says I sound like T he was just saying that I'm trying to sound like T. So yeah, just thought I'd clear that up. So yeah, I hope everything goes well for everyone this weekend. Have a great day.

-Fluffy

Searching...

So, I'm at school right now, and it's one of the days that I have a really big break before choir. I was planning on using this time to practice, but I came to the computer lab and got all thoughtful like so I thought I'd post what I've been thinking about today.

I just got done with my voice lesson about a half an hour ago, and he told me something that I've been thinking a lot about today. It's really kind of bothering me really. It's one of those moments when you really start to evaluate your progress and who you are. So after the warm-ups he asked to hear the song that I've been working on. I love this song. It's in French, it's about cradles, and its beautiful. It's the same French piece that we sang the year I was in Graces. I loved in then, and I love it even more now. So I finish singing and he comes over to the piano, sits down, looks right at me, and tells me that he's going to be very blunt with me. In my head I was all for it. My heart had a few reservations, but I was ready to hear what he had to say so that I could improve at the thing that I love to do. He told me that he thinks that I try to sing like T and that he really wanted me to sing like me. I'd never thought of my singing or my life like that until today. The things I've always thought I had trouble with in singing were fear and my lack of experience. I'd never considered that I wasn't being true to MY voice. So he had me do a few exercises that showed me what my real voice sounds like. It was like I was being introduced to a new person or something. It was one of those moments when you sort of second guess your whole everything.

So this experience in my voice lesson made me consider other areas of my life. I've been thinking a lot about my writing style, and what Ms. Parrish said to me last year about being very mindful of my audience in a not so good way because I lose voice. Then I thought about my blog and how I feel like I've been getting a lot better at being who I am on here, but am I really? I just don't know anymore. Is that weird that that simple comment made me second guess everything?

I've really been getting better at being who I am, especially at school. I told Katie yesterday that I really acted like me yesterday, but I wonder how often I go into the mode of being what other people want me to be. If I hear something that sounds good then I want to sound like that, if I read something that sounds good then I want to write like that, and if I see someone that acts well then I want to act like them. It makes sense, but it's not always what's best.

I've been working on bringing my whole self together all the time. That probably doesn't really make any sense. What I mean is that I've sort of been trying to sew together all the different pieces of my self. It's not that I'm someone fake when I'm with people, but sometimes I don't bring my whole self to the table. I often hide certain parts or leave other parts out for later. I'm trying to think of some type of example so that this makes sense. It's like there's this part of me that wants to be a certain kind of person, and so I change certain thing to be that kind of a person. It's like when I first meet people it's really hard for me to talk to them because I really want them to like me. So in order to know what they like I observe who they are, what they do, who they hang out with, and what makes them laugh. Then I can sort of make a judgment on what I should be when I'm with them, I guess.

I'm not a different person around different people, but I think that I bring out certain parts of myself when I'm with certain people. There are certain people that I can be my full people around all the time because I know that they'll love and accept me no matter what; but there are other people that I leave certain parts out because I know that they won't like it. I don't really know how to explain what I mean, but the moral of the story is that I'm working on this.

I'm working on not being afraid of failure and not being afraid of letting people see the real me. Going back to my singing... I'm working on making my singing be my voice because my voice is important. Other people's voices are important as well, but they're important because it's their voice. You know, as much as I would like most people to like me, not everyone is going to. As much as I might want to sound like someone who I think sing beautifully, I have a beautiful voice too. It's different, but that doesn't make it less important.

I was watching one of my favorite TV shows last night and Jilian (the trainer) asked Colleen what she was afraid of. Colleen told her that she was afraid of failing. Then Jilian explained to her that it would be better to try and fail then to not try at all. So that's what I'm going to try and do. I'm going to try my best to be the friendly and sweet person that I am all the time. That's the goal: I'm jumping in with both feet. Because doesn't it feel so much better when you jump into things with both feet? Dare to show enthusiasm (that's from a book.) That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to dare to show enthusiasm; I'm going to dare to care about people; I'm going to dare to be who I really am. I'm not saying that it's going to be easy to gather all the parts of who I am and combine them together everywhere I go, but this isn't a time in my life where I want to shy back into a corner because I don't feel like I'm going to succeed.

This is probably easier said than done, but I'm going to work on it each day. I'm going to stretch my box bigger by being a better me because it's important to me. I'm going to go and hang out with someone I met today and not be afraid that she won't like who I am. Because I don't want to be someone else, I want to be me.

Yeah...

Things are really looking up right now. I'm working harder than I've ever worked before, but I love it. This is something that is really important to me, and it's right. School, family, life, everything is really, and in all seriousness, coming together. That doesn't mean that things aren't hard, and it definitely doesn't mean that I have any clue what I'm doing at this point, but I know where I'm headed and I'm pretty excited about it. I'm excited to discover my own voice in both the literal sense and the metaphorical sense. (I don't even know if metaphorical is a word, but I'm using it anyway.)

You know, greatness is waiting for each one of us. I don't mean the whole fame and fortune thing. I mean inner greatness, and succeeding at the things that make us happy. I'm excited to be a music teacher, and I'm excited to discover the true depth of my potential. I'm stretching myself pretty crazily right now, but it's going to shape me into what I want and need to be. Thanks for listening, friends. Once again, my post was probably a bit disjointed, but that's all right. Things don't have to be perfect every time, and neither do I. Good luck with everything. I really and sincerely hope that all of you are doing well right now. I think about a lot of you more often than you think.

-Fluffy

(8) Makin' banana pancakes (8)

So it's pretty late, but I thought I'd hurry and share the funny/sad story of the day. So I'm coming home on TRAX and this lady is talking to me about knitting and stuff, and she was really nice so I thought I'd talk with her. Luckily for me she was great at talking, so I mostly got to listen. So it was getting close to my stop so I thought I'd grab my keys from my backpack so that I could just jump in my car and head home. So I reach into my bag to grab my keys and they weren't there. I thought of three things that could have happened.

1) They fell out of my bag somewhere at school
2) Someone took them because I have a jump drive attached to them
3) I locked them inside of my car.

I was really hoping that the third option was the correct one, but really I was just hoping that they were somewhere in my backpack so I looked again and they still weren't there. As I'm heading out to my car I call my mom and tell her the situation, and she tells me that she's at my sister's parent-teacher conferences so it'll be a while until she can come and let me into my car. When I finally get to my car I look inside and they were definitely still in the ignition and everything. I felt so stupid. So I waited for like twenty minutes, and I called Katie to tell her about how stupid I am, and my mom still wasn't there yet. So i call her up and she tells me that she's just barely leaving the school. So I waited in the TRAX parking lot for about a half an hour until my mom came to save me. Then my mom took me to dinner so I guess it all turned out all right. Anyways, I just thought it was a pretty humerous story. I've locked my keys in my car once before too. Maybe I should be more careful.

Well, I hope that story made you all smile. Stuff's still going pretty well for me lately, and I hope everything is going well for all of you as well. Good luck with everything, and I'm still always here for me. Ahhh the beauty of the cell phone. Have a great night, friends.

-Fluffy

"Oh yeah, it's all comin' together."

Today was spectacular! I bet you never thought you'd hear me say those words, did you? Well, I'm saying it. Today was a pretty good day for me. Spectacular may be a bit over the top, but just know that it was a good day.

Brass study started out a lot better for me today than usual. We learned some cool technique that actually made me play better, and by playing better I mean hitting the right notes. It was a pretty monumental step in my progression towards being a better trumpet player so I was pretty happy about it.

Musicianship was actually a lot harder for me today, but I still had a pretty good time. Then, after musicianship I went to keyboarding. The most embarrassing thing happened to me. It was hilarious. So, today was grading on a piece we've been working on for a few weeks, so I was pretty nervous. So she came around to me and I played for her and did really well. I think I got an A which is awesome. So she leaves to the next person and I turn on the orchestra setting (my favorite) and I turn up the volume and get ready to play. When we're in that class we have headphones so that only we can hear it except when we grade. So I forgot to switch back the keyboard back to the setting where only I can hear it. Yeah, a kid was definitely testing when I started jamming out on my keyboard. It was really quite embarrassing. He said he did better while I was playing too, but he could have just been trying to be nice. I felt pretty ridiculous, and I'm pretty sure I haven't been that red for years. I laughed it off with Nick later so it wasn't that big of a deal. Just thought I'd share that funny part of my life. It was pretty great.

So then pre-performance vocal was pretty long again, but I like it. We're learning the IPA right now which is actually pretty cool. Then I practiced with my accompanist so we'd both be ready for my lesson on Thursday. It was pretty cool. I like my accompanist a lot, he seems really nice so he'll be easy to work with. We both seem pretty not wanting to hurt the other persons feelings, so it's a pretty good relationship. We'll work well together, I think. Juries are so close and still so far. I'm already nervous for them. Plus I've never had to work this hard on my own pieces outside of lessons before. It's a lot harder when I have to figure out rhythms and notes all by myself. It's fun though, and pretty challenging so I like it.

Then choir was just hard again. We learned a new song for the scholarship concert that I really like, and then we count sang a song that has really hard rhythms. I really need to be better at rhythm. Anyways so when I got home I did some homework and then one of my friends from school came over and we went to Nick's concert together. She's really nice, and I think we'll be good friends. But we'll wait and see what happens.

Nick's concert was awesome by the way.

So yeah, it was a really good day for me. I got in some good practicing, embarrassed myself in front of an entire class, hung out with someone from school, saw a good concert, and finished up my homework. I would definitely call it a productive and worthwhile day. Well, I'm out. Thanks for listening. Sorry if this post was disjointed and jumbled. I hope you're all doing well tonight. If you ever need something, I'm always here. Good night, friends, and good luck with everything. I've overwriting previous comments and instead I'm proclaiming that things are going to be all right. "Oh yeah, it's all comin' together."

-Fluffy

(8) I'm singing in the rain (8)

Well today should have been more successful that it was. I give it 2 stars out of five. I really can't remember a time when I've had so much self doubt. Maybe I really should take up a hobby or get a job or something. That would probably make me feel better about a few things. But really, deep down, I know that a job wouldn't help me feel better about anything. I just tell myself that the busier I get, the happier I'll be. It's not true. I'm going to have to figure out some way to fix this problem from the inside out.

I'm just going to go to sleep now. That usually makes me feel better about things. Tomorrow's a new day, and I'll try to be happy about it. Thanks for reading. Tomorrow will be accompanied by a better post because the goal for tomorrow is to have a day that equals a good post. Good luck with things friends. Sorry this post is lacking in a lot of areas. I really do hope things are going well for all of you. Have a great night.

-Fluffy

(8) A might change of heart (8)

So today was a really interesting day for me. First off I would really like to point out that a generous amount of sleep can do wonders for my emotional status. Let's just say that earlier today was really difficult for me. I went to my very first day in the singles ward, and it really was a good experience, and I know that it's the place for me; however, I just couldn't stop feeling terrible. I'm not really sure what it was other than I've been feeling like my life has been a whole lot crappier for me lately. It's been really hard for me to put my self out there because I'm so afraid of something. I'm not really sure what it is that scares me, I just can't seem to allow myself to be myself all the time anymore, and it's been really hard. I'm not sure if I'm scared to let people in because I might get hurt or if I feel like I'm just not good enough, I just don't really know what it is. The singles ward really did help though. It's small which will be really good for me, and the people seem to be really nice. I was always really scared about going to the singles ward because of the stereotypes that go along with singles wards, but it's not like that at all. It seems like most of the people are just there to be in a ward that has other people in it going through the same things they are. I like it because we're not all "students" and it's not as big as the student ward. I was really grateful today that something really felt right. Things haven't really felt right for a really long time, so it was a nice break to feel good about something.

Even though all this stuff seemed to kind of fall into place during the singles ward, I still couldn't help but feel sad. A huge part of it was definitely lack of sleep, and I realized that when I woke up from my nap. I think that another part may have been the fact that this is still a lot of changes to take all at once. It felt like going to a new ward was just another HUGE change, and I'm just not sure that all these changes should really be coming all at once. And I think that the last reason is probably just because things have been hard lately. I really can't remember a time when I've been so unstable. I just feel like every single minute of every day is a potential moment for me to fall apart into a huge mess of emotional instability, and I don't know what to do about it. I think I've cried more in this past month than I have in my whole life. It's just been really really hard.

So funny story. I realized how unstable I really am today in sacrament meeting at my home ward. My sister came in and asked me if I'd done my hair today, and I nearly broke down. It was like she was telling me that I was the worst person she'd ever met in her life. I just couldn't hold myself together, and I literally went into this mini depression for like ten minutes. It was the weirdest thing that's ever happened to me. When I was all emotional, I just kept thinking about how ridiculous I was acting. I still can't believe that her telling me my hair wasn't very cute today was that big of a deal to me. If that had happened two months ago I probably would have brushed it off, but a lot has changed in two months. Wow, it kind of hurt to write that sentence. Did anyone else feel the pain in that? Man, I need to get a hobby or something.

So I took a nap today, which was the best and worst decision I've made in a long time. It was the best because, let's be honest, I've been a really emotional person because of my lack of sleep. Things are hard, but adding not enough sleep on top of that is a terrible idea. It was the worst because I missed two really important things to take a nap. I still feel kind of bad about that actually. So yeah, my goal is to attempt to get eight hours of sleep as often as I can. Now that means that I have to go to bed at nine or ten depending on the night. Does that sound like a risky goal that might not come true? You better believe it. But I'm going to do my best to make that one happen because I can't keep feeling like an emotional crazy because I haven't slept enough. So yeah, that's my goal for this evening. Tonight's a ten o clock night, and those nights will definitely be easier than the nine o clock nights.

So moving on from that. I want to tell you about a really cool experience I had today. It even happened before my nap, so you know it has to be good. So background. My mom has a really terrible cold right now, and her favorite dessert is applesauce cake that my grandma makes. So my grandma calls today and tells my mom that she has some applesauce cake, and in the background as I'm washing dishes, I hear something about convincing someone to do something. I immediately assume she's talking about me, and I was definitely right. So my mom asks me to go and get some cake from my grandma's house, and in my emotional state, I don't say anything at the risk of crying, and I head out the door with my sister in tow.

So we get to my grandma's house, and I decide that it would be a good thing for me to go inside because I haven't seen my grandma in quite a while. I was going to send my sister in, but I decided that that wasn't a very good idea. So we go in and sit down and my grandma starts chatting with us. My grandma's a really funny lady, so it was all right. Then we start talking about the things that we get when she dies because my grandma really likes to talk about that for some odd reason. So I tell her about this beautiful glass doll that I really love, and she jokes about how I've wanted that since I was a little girl. It's true. I always have wanted it. So we go into the room to look at some of her glass things in her cabinet and she pulled out her thimble collection. For those of you that don't know, I also have a thimble collection so it was pretty neat to see all of her old thimbles because pretty much all of mine are new ones. I have a few that she gave me a while ago that are old, but not very many. So she starts to show me them, and I realized that I am completely fascinated with these thimbles that my grandma has. I forgot how much I love things like that, and it was really cool to talk with her about my grandpa and all of her thimbles. It was just a cool experience. I just wish that I'd been more awake and happy so I could have enjoyed it more. It was still cool though, and I'm glad it happened. It made my day a little bit better, and I really needed that.

Well, I think I've exhausted my stay on my posting, so I'm going to head out. Note the time. Twenty minutes until bed time. A little less time than I wanted for some scripture study, but it'll have to do for tonight. Good night, friends. I hope everything is going well for all of you. If you ever want to talk, I'm here. I'm terrible at talking on the phone, but I'll do it any day for the people I care about ;)

-Fluffy

(8) The Sound is gone forth (8)

So today went pretty well, I think. I got up kind of early and went to have some breakfast at Molly's house. Who knew that Honey Bunches of Oats would be the best cereal of my life? It was pretty spectacular, and it was good to see Katie and Molly before they left again. Food and friends. What could be better than that?

After I got home from that I got the wonderful opportunity to mow the lawn. It wasn't really that bad today because it was overcast, so it wasn't hot and stuff. That made it easier for me to not be grumpy about it. Then I did some other random stuff before my concert, so it was a pretty productive day.

My concert was so awesome. The song that we sang with women's choir was different, but I still liked it. After we sang with the women's choir, the women's choir left and the men came and joined us on stage. It was awesome. We had four weeks to prepare and memorize 3 songs, and we rocked it. I'm pretty sure Dr. Allred is a miracle worker or some kind because it was an amazing experience. Doing college choir is so much different from high school choir. Everyone really wants to be here, and everyone is really trying their best. I love it so far.

After we finished I got to go and sit in the audience with my mom and listen to the U singers. Holy mariah they're amazing. They sing beautifully, and I really hope that I can be in that choir some day. They get to go to Europe, and they sing beautifully. It was just spectacular.

So yeah, my day was pretty good today. After the concert I watched a movie with a two girls from school so that was fun. I was somewhat social today :D Five points for me. So yeah, it was a good day.

Well, I'm pretty tired so I'm heading to bed. Have a great night everyone, and I hope that you're all doing well.

-Fluffy

(8) Uh huh uh huh uh huh uh huh uh huh (8)

I'm super tired tonight, but I though it would be a good idea to post. It'll kind of make up for the day that I missed a few days ago. So I guess you could say this is kind of my last day of blogaday, but I think I'll also try to keep this up. I really like being able to get on the computers at school and just read about everyone's day. It just makes me feel like I'm still a part of all of that awesomeness, and it makes me feel good.

I went to an institute dance today, and that was good and bad. It was good because it was pretty fun and a few friends came with me. It was bad because I'm still really terrible at the whole social thing. Sometimes I just wish that I could be who I am and that people would accept me for it. It's no big deal though, I talked to a few people about it, and I think that a lot of people are going through pretty much the same thing. This is hard, but it'll smooth out eventually. It's just hard right now.

Anyways, today was a pretty good day, I went to school, tutoring, hung out with some friends, went to the homecoming game, tried to meet people unsuccessfully, and now I'm here posting on my blog. It's been a pretty good day. I even had a normal conversation with someone at school. There's a first time for everything.

Well I'm off to bed. I hope you're all having a great night, and I hope things are going well for you all. Good luck with everything you're doing :)

-Fluffy

(8) Oh I love technology... (8)

So I'm sure you're all dying to know why I didn't post last night. Maybe you're not, either way I'm going to tell you though so here I go. Last night was good and bad. I went to a play at PTC with some friends, their mom's, and my mom. It was actually pretty fun besides that fact that it lasted forever. So moving past that, I got home around 11:30 and went to turn on my computer to post, and it wouldn't work. So I tried it again, and it turned on! So the homepage thing loads and I look down and my internet isn't working. So in my head I'm thinking all sorts of pesimistic things about my stupid computer, and I decide to head upstairs to post from the last resort: my home computer. I get up there and try out the internet, and guess what? It wouldn't work either. Needless to say, I'm pretty upset about it. I was doing so well at the blogaday thing, and all of my dreams were dashed to pieces two days before the last post. Yeah, I'm not too happy about it. That aside, I would like to write down the things I was going to say yesterday. So this post is written today about yesterday with a little bit of today thrown in just to keep things interesting.

Yesterday was an interesting day for me. I haven't been getting too much sleep these past few days. I've probably been running on an average of 5 hours a night which isn't very good for me, but I'm going to try and fix that tonight. Maybe it'll be easier since I can't get on my computer... :( Anyways, I'm really going to try and stop dwelling on that.

There's some really important stuff that happened to me yesterday. Theory had me REALLY stressed yesterday. We have to turn in these weekly assignments of like 10 papers, and it just stresses me out to finish them all and turn them in, and I usually leave them until the last minute which is bad. So I was pretty stressed about that and being at school until forever. So I was just having kind of a rough day, but I was really looking forward to institute. I always look forward to institute, but I really felt like it was something that I really needed this week. It's just been kind of a rough and stressful week, and I couldn't wait to get to the institute building.

So, I rode TRAX up to the building, and walked in, and I felt so much better almost immediately. It was like I was walking into a safe zone. I just feel like institute is a place where people still care about me and want me to grow and get better. So I went to class and Brother Milburn's powerpoint wouldn't work. So, background on the powerpoint, I think it's great and everything, but I've kind of been missing having discussions about things because we're not focused on something like a powerpoint. That probably doesn't really make sense, but I just really needed something different yesterday, and I got exactly what I needed. I felt so good throughout the whole lesson, and I really gained knowledge on a few things that I've been lacking. It was one of the best classes I've been to. When class was over and I was leaving, I decided to walk back to the music building. I felt so good about things, and I felt like I was seeing things from a whole different perspective. A better perspective than the one I've been having the past few weeks. It was just a feeling like, things are hard right now for a reason, but it's for a reason so it's ok. I just felt really good about the whole experience.

Things are going to be all right. I had a glimpse of sunshine today in my singing lesson. I didn't get much sleep again last night, so I've been pretty tired all day. So I went to my lesson walking rather half-heartedly, and when I got there he greeted me with a smile and asked about my week and everything, and I just felt so good. I really feel like I'm improving just from being with him for a half an hour a week. It's so cool to hear my voice getting more developed and stronger, and for the record I went down to a low C today which is awesome. He told me I'd been holding out on him. It's pretty great. The best part was that he told me that next semester he thinks I should go to an hour long lesson because he thinks I have potential. Hearing that made coming to school worth it today. I love to sing. It's great.

So yeah, sorry that I didn't post yesterday. I really wanted to, and I'm sorry that my computers weren't working. But I'm here again, and things are going all right. Katie and Molly are coming down tomorrow and we're going to party it up at the institute dance so that'll pretty fun. I hope you're all doing really well. This post might not make too much sense, I'm sort of tired. So sorry about that. Have a great day, and I really hope you're all doing well :)

-Fluffy