(8) So you had a bad day (8)

So, I have good news and I have bad news.

I personally believe that bad news should always go first. So...

The bad news is that my friends are all officially gone as of today. I can't even think about Katie without tearing up. I know. I'm lame. So sue me. It's been about eight hours since she's been gone...

There is good news though. I felt so terrible that Katie left me that I went to buy a new shirt and some headbands for school. So, now I'll look super cute for the first day of school. Yay! It was a relatively cheap shirt too. That made it double great. Oh, and I got my hair cut. I love it.

I never thought that shopping would ever make me feel better, but it did.

So, what's the moral of the story?
I'll feel better in about a month. Right now, I feel abandoned, scared, and sad. I do look cute though so that's good news...

Good luck friends. To those of you who are very very far away. I miss you, and good luck.

-Fluffy

Moving On

Here I am :) Hooray. I'm pretty happy today. I'm not overly happy like I am on the days that I can't control my laughter, but I'm just contently happy today. Mostly. I'm still scared to death about heading up to school and all of my friends leaving, but there's something in the back of my mind that keeps reminding me that everything will be ok. I know that it's going to be hard for the first little while, and I know that it will be hard for me to make new friends for the first little while, but I'm making every effort to make it easier. I've joined a club, institute, committees, the Bennion center, and signed up for classes. So, I really am trying to put myself out there.

You know, I think that's the thing that scares me the most- putting myself out there. Today while I was at work I got to sit up at the front for a bit. That's a really great thing because you don't really have to do much. It's a nice break from running around and telling children and fellow employees what to do. So, I was sitting up there and a really sweet mom was up there with her little boy waiting for a few people. She was really nice, and trying to make conversation, but I'm just not very good at that. It really does take me a while to be secure enough to talk to people well. That sounds stupid, doesn't it? Anyways, it's true. I remember way back when council started at the beginning of the school year, it took me months to be able to feel comfortable in our activities and meetings. I'm laughing now looking back on how shy I felt, but at the time it was terrible for me. I couldn't understand why I couldn't talk to the people that I was with. I just get so intimidated and shy sometimes. I'm terrified that when I go to school that I'll have no one to talk to for a really long time. So a really long time to me is a few months, but still. A few months is a long time to have no one to talk to.

There's really only one person that I feel completely comfortable talking to. She knows who she is ;) Anyways, she's leaving me. I don't blame her for leaving me, but I worry about those Sunday nights when I'm having a pity party for myself and she won't be there. She listens to me, gives me advice, and just loves me. I really don't know what I'm going to do without her. She already knows that I'm going to miss her like dieting people miss their favorite dessert, but seriously, I don't know what I'm going to do. Thank goodness for cell phones and cars, I suppose.

Anyways, this is going to be a really interesting transition for me. I know that I won't lose myself through it, because I have come way too far and grown way too much to turn back on myself now, but I just hope that it'll be easier than I'm anticipating. I know that everything will be fine. There really isn't anything to worry about with all the support I have, but I'm still worried, and I'll still really miss some people. I just hope that I'll be able to find some courage in myself that I didn't know I had. I hope that I'll be able to make my box a lot bigger while I try to adjust. There's nothing wrong with fearing doing hard things, as long as you do them anyway. Doing these things that are hard is going to make me stronger.

So, really I'm excited to start school. I am. I'm excited for the new adventures that I'll have, the things I'll learn, and the new people that I'll meet; however, I'm still a bit apprehensive about it all. I scared, but I can do it. It'll be hard, but totally worth it. Today my friend at work told me that college is something that changes you. I'm ready for that. I always want to be me, but the always improving version of me. Everything will be great, I just know it. I have people looking out for me, and everything is going to be fine. Have a wonderful day, everyone. Good luck with everything.

You make me smile, please stay for a while now.

Well, sorry it's been so long since I last wrote here. I can't say that I've been too busy, I just really haven't felt like writing anything. I'm not really sure that I feel like writing anything right now either, so I hope that I can say something that's not weird or stupid. :) I've had a really great summer so far. I've pretty much just been working a few house a week and spending the rest of my time with friends and family. I love it so much. I love being able to focus on doing some things that I really like to do instead of constantly doing things that I have to do.

I got a new vocal coach for the summer. She's absolutely amazing and I'm so glad that she's helping me get ready for auditions! I need to call and set up another lesson now that I think about it... Anyways, she's amazing. She taught me one simple breathing trick that I have been doing wrong and suddenly, I can sing so much more supported! I can't even believe the difference that it made. I really liked my old vocal coach, bu in reality, she really wasn't experienced enough to teach me. I felt like she taught me things that I already knew and that she didn't know what to do with me next. My new teacher, however, knows exactly what to teach me and I really believe that I'll be pretty prepared for my auditions when school starts.

I'm pretty nervous for school to start. I'm still not really sure if music is the way that I want to go. I have another idea of what I'd like to do, I'm just not sure that it's something that is practical, I guess. I'm not going to go into anything on my blog, but feel free to ask me in person and I'll tell you what I've been thinking about. It's something that I've dreamed about for a while, I'm just not sure; but, I feel like I'm not really sure about very much lately. I'm not sure that the U is where I should be or if music is what I should major in; however, I have faith that it will all work out. You know, I truly believe that I have been placed to make certain decisions to help me grow the most. So, I really hope that I'm making all the right decisions right now.

A LOT of my friends are headed up to Utah State for college and I'm pretty bummed about that. I'm really going to miss the people that are headed up there. I'm losing some of my very best friends: boys and girls. One of my best friends told me that she thought about leaving me the other day and she cried to her mom. I just can't imagine being without some of the people that have helped me to get to where I am right now. I'm so happy for each and every one of them, but I'll miss them. I know that they're going to do amazing and awesome things at Utah State and that I'll do amazing and awesome things at the U, but I'll miss them a lot.

Then, soon after college starts a lot of my friends will be going on missions! It's so crazy to think about, but I couldn't be happier for each and every one of them who is making the right choice to serve the Lord. They'll have such great experiences and opportunities, and I can't wait to see the changes that come over them because of their service. Their missions will be so great for each and every one of them. It'll be hard to not be able to see some of them for two year, but I support each and every one of them for the righteous decision.

I think that what I'm trying to get at, is that my friends are going to do amazing things. I can't wait to pass someone in the grocery store and hear about their lives or hear from my parents that one of my old friends is doing something amazing. I have been so blessed to have each and every single friend that I have had throughout my life- especially in high school. We really did band together to become the best people we could during those three years, and I'm so grateful for every single person that helped me grow and become better. We're all going to do such amazing things. It's going to be hard for me the first few months, but I'm sure that I'll make more amazing friends, and I'll definitely NEVER forget the friends that I won't see as much. I'm sure there will probably be a few that I'll keep in contact with: phone calls, texts, and e-mails; but even the ones I don't, I want you to know that you're appreciated. I realize that very few people read this... my bad on that one, but I want all of you to know (even the ones that will never read this) that I truly was influenced for good because you were my friend. I truly believe that we become like our friends, and I'm so grateful that I was able to find good seeds. I found the best friends that a girl could ask for and I'm so grateful for that. I never have to worry about what we watch or listen to, because I know that my standards were respected and shared by my friends. So, I guess that was just a big huge thank you to everyone. It was a hard three years, but it was more than worth it so that I could meet some amazing people and grow into the type of person I am right now. Thank you everyone.

I can't see how things are going to pan out right now, but I know I'll look back in a few years and have more people to thank. I know I'll look back and be able to see even more growth in myself as well as my friends and that's an excellent thought. I hope that everyone has a spectacular summer. Take advantage of your opportunities and remember your blessings. I know I'm trying to do that better. :) Thank you for being my friends, I love you all.

-Fluffy

Quick Post

Well, here I am. This probably won't be a very long post. I'm just kind of bored. Today has been a really good day so far! I went to T's house and attempted to help weed. :) My ankle impeded my progress a bit, but it was fun nonetheless, and then I played some basketball. I forgot how much I really do like playing things. haha I know that sounds kind of ridiculous, but I really do like just playing things for fun. I don't necessarily have to win (because I usually don't,) but it makes me happy to just play fun things with fun people.

I'm just having a really good day, and I thought that somebody might like to know that. :D Have a wonderful day everyone. I hope that everything is going well for you all.

-Fluffy

Happy Days

Well, here I am again. I hope that everyone is doing well. Today was a really great day for me. I think that the greatest part happened after school. I went out to the seminary building, because I didn't have work or anything, and I talked with Thatcher, Hope, and Brother Coleman for a while. Thatcher left after a little while and then Brother Coleman had to do some stuff for the 9th graders video, and so I sat in Coleman's room and talked with Hope for about an hour. It was really awesome to get to talk to her. Then Brother Coleman said he was getting bored so we moved into the office where he was working and talked with him. It was really awesome. I learned a few things that I can really work on.

Brother Coleman said that we were good enough friends and so I wouldn't get offended if he told me something that I could improve upon haha so he told me that I'm too meek, I think he meant when it comes to sharing the gospel. I thought about it for a while and he's probably right. I think that I tend to think that people are set in their ways and they don't feel like changing and I don't feel like bothering them; however, I think I'm beginning to realize that even if people don't want to learn about the church from me, it's the biggest part of who I am and it's ok to share that with people. I'm also learning that people probably aren't quite as set in their ways as I think they are. People are probably more willing to change and find the truth than I think. I'm really excited to try to be more open about stuff like that. Even if all I change is inviting people to things that I don't think they'll come to, I'll be doing better and that's what I want to do. I want to share with people the best thing that I have in my life: the gospel. It's really important to me and it's ok to let people know that at appropriate times.

I really appreciate Brother Coleman. He's helped me through a lot and I'm really glad that he has so much faith in me. It's always nice to know that other people think that I'm doing well and that I'm trying my best. Anyways, the rest of the day was awesome too, but that was probably the best part of the day. There are so many things that I can improve on, but as Brother Coleman told me once, "It's not speed, it's direction." So I hope that I'm pointed in the right direction and that I'm doing my best to improve my weaknesses and turn them into strengths. Things are tough, but I know I can make it through because I have spiritual help on my side. Thanks for listening, and have a great night. I hope things are going well for you all. Keep moving along and doing your best.

-Fluffy

Sure on this shining night

Today was a really interesting day. Actually, it's been a really interesting week for me. I've had A LOT of ups and downs, but I think that all in all it's been a pretty successful week. It was a really busy week, but still good. Today was state solo and ensemble and I think it went pretty well, but I think that I'll write about that some other time. I'm kind of having one of those thoughtful nights. It's not thoughtful to the max where I'm all emotional and filled with thoughts and feelings; rather, I feel inwardly good about most things I think. There are still a few things that I don't feel at peace about, but I don't want to think about those things tonight. I want to think about the good things and I really want to feel good about those good things.

You know, I'm not really sure what I'm going to talk about throughout this post so it'll probably be kind of random and it might even turn into one of those posts that I will regret in the morning, but I'm going to post it anyway. This is just going to be a post for me to get out some thoughts and to feel them. Sometimes it's nice to just feel things.

So, I've been thinking a lot about Merilee Webb these past few days. I thought about her today actually while we were at solo ensemble listening to another madrigal choir. They moved a lot with the music, and while I didn't really like the way it looked when they performed, it made me think about what Merilee taught me while she was a sub at our school. Thatcher said something in one of his posts a while ago about how he would really miss her as a mentor and you know, I really miss her too. She taught me about more than just how the music should sound, she taught me how the music should feel. But I think that some of the most important lessons that she taught me had nothing to do with music. She taught me how to be and I'll never forget that. I can never forget how she taught me to make my box bigger. She taught me that we all fear things, but doing hard things only makes us stronger. I really love the way that Mrs. T teaches and I definitely don't love her any less or more than Merilee; but, I still miss the feeling of walking into class and knowing that I was going to be challenged to better myself.

She is a really amazing person and I'll never forget the lessons that she taught me while she was teaching at our school. I really appreciate what she did to make me a better person. I miss her and I hope that she knows that she helped me to change for the better and to view life in a new way.

I think that for the past little while I've been neglecting the things that I learned from Merilee. My box really did get a lot bigger while she was here, but I think that I've been letting it shrink back down a little bit and I think that I've been looking at things with the wrong attitude. There are so many things that are difficult and I have been looking at them that way. I think that lately I've been really slacking on some things that I should be working a lot harder at. I definitely haven't been working as hard this term as I should be. I really am busy, but I know that I can find time to fit all of that in. I really want to try and be better and so I think that that will be my goal. I'm going to try and remember the things that I learned from Merilee. I'm going to try and kick this term in the okole. It's going to be really tough because I really just want to give up sometimes, but I'm going to try my best.

Anyways, moving on to some other stuff that I want to talk about. Tonight is just one of those nights that I really want to have someone to talk to. I want to go and sit outside under the stars and talk about things. I want to tell someone who's special to me about who I am and what I think about. Sometimes I just feel like I talk about trivial things with a lot of people and I think that it would be nice to have a meaningful talk with someone. Maybe I'm just being a hopeless romantic, but it would be nice to have someone to talk to.

I feel kind of like I've lost touch with a few of my friends lately, but I've gotten closer to some others at the same time. I have two wonderful best friends, but something has definitely changed there. I'm sure that I should take a lot of the blame because of my busy schedule, but I miss them. I miss how we used to be. Earlier this year I wrote a paper for English about losing a friend and I wrote it about one of my best friends. Since then it's gotten better, I don't feel like I've lost her as a friend, but I feel like we have a different friendship. It's really ok though because I understand that she has a lot of other people that she would rather be with, but I still miss it and it hurts to think that I'm not someone she wants to spend her time with anymore. I really do miss Frogger days during the summer and I miss hanging out at Katie's house practically every day after school. It makes me a little sad to think that days like that are over. Even though summer will be here soon, I know that there won't ever be summer's like the summer's from Junior High days. It sounds kind of stupid, but I miss it. I know that there are tons of other things to look forward to, but I still miss the way it used to be sometimes.

You know what? I think that all of these ideas are tying together. I think that what I really need to do is take my own advice. I need to live for the here and now. There's a song that I really love and the chorus says this... "you're gonna miss this, you're gonna want this back. You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast." and it's really true. I think that I need to try harder to live in the here and now. I miss past days, but there are so many things that are happening right now and more importantly, there are still a lot of people that I can help right now. The future is coming, but it can wait because I don't want to miss all the wonderful things that are happening to me right now. I'm never going to be in this same situation again and in a few years I don't want to look back on this last term of high school and think of all the things that I could have done better. I want to look back and think about how much fun I had and how I tried my best in all the things that I could and how I tried to serve and love as many people as I could.

So, I need to prioritize. I need to find the things that I love and are important to me and I need to focus on those because I really don't want to miss this. Well, I'm off to do some things that I need to get done. Have a great night everybody. I hope you're all doing well and remember that I'm here if you need someone.

"All is healed. All is health."

-Fluffy

It's me...

Well, here I am. It's been a while since I've written for my blog. This is partly due to my lack of time and partly due to my lack of motivation. It doesn't really matter though because I'm the only one that reads this. ;)

Stuff has been going pretty well lately except for a few things. I'm having a really hard time in my AP classes. I just can't seem to make myself do the work. I don't want to do calculus. I don't mind studying for the test and trying to do stuff that way, but I really don't want to do the assignments and it makes me really angry that I have to do them. I don't get angry very often, but in calculus I sure do. Calculus just seems to bring out the worst in me lately and I really quite honestly can't wait until it's over.

Then, in English today, I pretty much failed. I just didn't know what to do with the practice test that she gave us and I really honestly did not do well. I got really upset. I feel really bad when I get upset because I usually get mean and angry and I don't mean to. I say and think things that I regret because I let my emotions take hold of me. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't express emotions. I don't know if anyone else feels this way, but sometimes I feel like people don't really care about what's bothering me, but they care that something is bothering me enough to make me act differently than I normally do. I don't know if that makes any sense, but sometimes I feel like I can't be anything but the happy and bubbly self that I usually am.

My mom said something really interesting to me when I expressed this to her a while ago. She told me that people don't really care about what's bothering me and it's probably true. People care about me and I know that, but sometimes people just really don't want to hear about my problems. It's OK, I don't need people to listen to me express what I'm feeling, but sometimes I wish that I had someone that I could really talk to when I get angry at school. But, since there isn't really anyone like that, I just take the hall pass until I feel better, even though I don't usually feel better until after the class is over...

I just feel like sometimes I'm the middle roader. I have all these amazing friends that do amazing things and I'm an average girl doing pretty average things. It's fine with me that I'm like that, but sometimes I wish that AP class stuff came easier to me. I wish that I were able to pick up on calculus the same way that some of my other friends do. I'm not bad at it, but I'm not really good either. I don't know, this post was mostly just my ramblings and I'll probably think it's stupid in a few years or days, but this is stuff that is really actually things that I worry about and so it's important to me. I don't really care if it's stupid. This is the real me. This is me really expressing concerns that I have and I don't really care if other people don't want to listen.

Sometimes I just feel like I'm the only one that's struggling with my classes and I really wish that I didn't feel that way because I feel like I'm not supposed to feel that way. I know that I'm smart, but I know that I'm not the smartest one and there are things that I struggle with and it's really difficult for me to accept that I struggle with things that other people might not struggle with. Anyways, I feel a little better now. I feel like I've put out most of my emotions. It doesn't make my problems go away; yet, somehow I still feel validated. I feel like I have at least expressed about a tenth of what I feel.

Really I'm a happy person, but even happy people have things that they struggle with and these are a few of my struggles. Have a great night. Keep pressing forward, I know that that's what I'm going to do.

-Fluffy

Happy Valentines Day!

Happy Valentines Day! I know it's two days after Valentines day, but at least I'm making an effort, right?

Well the real reason that I haven't written is probably because my family is gone. They went on vacation and I really miss them. I've been living at my aunt's house which has been awesome. My aunt's really cool and she pretty much just wants me to check in every now and again. It's great that I have such an awesome extended family. I do really miss sleeping at my own house though.

Through all of this, I've been thinking a lot about college. Being away from my family has been hard for me and it has only been a few days! I don't know what I'll do if I go away to college. I'll miss my family so much.

I really didn't appreciate all that my family does to keep my house clean and functional. I've had to get the cat, get the mail, shovel, and keep things clean while my family has been gone and it takes a lot of time. I don't realize how much my family does for me.

Anyways, the point of this post is to let you know that I care a lot about my family. My mom is my best friend. She's one of the only people that I can tell everything to and I know that she actually cares. Her love for me is unconditional and it's amazing. No matter what I do, she still loves me. I don't tell her enough how much I appreciate all that she does for me, but I really do. I can tell her anything and everything and she'll listen to me. One of the things that I love most about my mom is that she listens.

My sister is awesome. We get along really well most of the time. She likes to wrestle lol which is fun sometimes... :) She's cute and she's really strong spiritually and physically which is such a great example to me. I know it's weird that I look up to my younger sister, but I do. She really loves the gospel and she's so happy all the time. People love being around my sister because she's happy and she knows who she is. I wish that I could be more like that. She's beautiful inside and out and I love her for who she is. We talk about everything and I love that we get along so well. I feel bad for people who don't get along with their siblings because I know how awesome it can be to feel like your sister is one of your best friends.

My dad is great. He's always been a great provider for our family and I love that he holds and honors his priesthood. He's a really great person and he has overcome so many struggles in his life. I think that is what I love about my dad. I love that he is stronger because of the challenges he has faced. There have been so many times when my dad could have given up, but he never did. No matter what obstacle he faces, he overcomes it. He does what he can to move on with his life.

My family is great and I really love them. Moving to college will be hard, but I know that my family will support me and love me no matter what I do or where I go. My family will always be here for me to talk and laugh with. So hooray for awesome families that are trying their best to do good things and hooray for Valentines day week. Everything is going great :) Have an awesome week!

-Fluffy

(8) I'm so happy, I'm so happy (8)

I'm exhausted. Today at work I wasn't sure if I would be able to keep it up, but I did. Hooray me. Anyways, as I was trying to make it through about the 80th (that's an exaggeration) time that I had mopped, I thought about something. I was exhausted and pretty much could have dropped to the ground at any moment, but I was happy.

I considered this for a really long time. How in the world was I happy when I felt like I hadn't slept in days and I'd been running a marathon? I was happy because I know who I am and I have the gospel in my life. I wasn't running around laughing and screaming, but I was inwardly happy today.

Then I thought about end of term. Am I glad it's end of term? You better believe I'm glad that it's end of term. I worked my butt off for my grades this term. I can't remember a time when I've really had to step it up and try really hard to keep my grades up, but this term I did. I guess I just had a lot of other things in my life and so it was harder to balance them. Anyways, I'm pretty proud of all the hard work though. Calculus was really hard for me at the beginning of the year, (I apologize to my class mates who had to watch me complain) but I'm doing so much better now. I'm not excellent at the math, but I'm trying my hardest. I'm trying to study and learn and pay attention better than I ever have in that class. Some of the things take me a lot longer than other people and I'm still not amazing at it, but I have improved so much. It was really hard for me to do and I hope that I didn't act like too big of an idiot on the way. :)

So this term was awesome, hard, busy, cool, and fun, but in the end I made it through all the stuff and I'm pretty proud of how it all turned out. I'm happy. I can be exhausted, beaten, and broken and I'm still happy because I know that I have friends and family that love me, I know I have the gospel, and I know that I have a loving Heavenly Father who cares about me. It's not always easy to remember these things when times are hard, but I still know deep down that it's true.

Have a wonderful night everyone. Hooray for end of term and hooray for the start of a new one.

-Fluffy

So, the other day I had my meeting with Ms. Parrish about all the essays that we have written so far in English. I did better than I thought and I was really happy about that. She made me feel like there was hope for my writing as opposed to telling me that I sucked. haha I appreciated that. Anyways, I'm writing about this experience because it helped me to realize something about myself. At the very beginning of the meeting, Ms. Parrish asked me what kind of writer I thought I was. I told her that I thought I was OK. Then, she asked me if I liked writing and I explained that I enjoy writing sometimes and that my favorite writing is what I write in my journal because no one else reads it; there's no risk. She proceeded to tell me that she found that very interesting because that's exactly what she thought as she was reading through my essays. I'm often concerned about what other people think of me.

In seminary, we had a lesson about fear. It was one of those lessons that I really needed. The lesson was based mostly on fear when leaving for missions, but I decided to apply it to other areas of my life. Fear isn't necessary, but it's something that is often present in my life. I fear that people won't accept me when they get to know me. I fear that if I talk to someone I'll say something stupid. I'm afraid that people won't think that I'm smart enough, pretty enough, or good enough. I know in my heart that none of these things matter as long as I'm trying my best, but it's hard for me to accept. I'm working at communicating better with people. I'm also working at caring more about what my Heavenly Father thinks of me. He's on my side and he wants me to be better, so I'm trying.

It's not that I have low self-esteem or anything, I just can't seem to get past what I think other people think about me. It's like when I'm playing softball and I'm up to bat. My coach is telling me to step into my hits and the ball will go a lot father. For the first few swings, I do exactly what my coach is telling me to do; however, eventually I slip back into my old habits and I forget to step into my hits. I know that if I step into it, I'll do so much better in softball, but I can't seem to get out of my bad habit.

This same things seems to be happening in my life when it comes to caring about what other people think. I know that I don't need to worry about it and I've got people constantly telling me how to fix it, but I can't seem to find the strength to turn my weakness into a strength. I fix it for a few hours or a few days, but then I slip back into my old habit of closing myself off to keep myself safe. I end up doing the things that are comfortable rather than doing the things that will make me better.

There's no reason for me to be fearful of other people, so I'm trying to be better. I'm trying my best to rely on my Heavenly Father for the guidance and help that I need. So, I'm trying to be open. At work, I try to talk to people and I've even attempted unfolding my arms so I seem more approachable lol. At school I'm trying to talk to people, even if it's hard for me. I'm improving and I know that I'm doing my best to show people who I really am.

D&C 6:36 "Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not."

-Fluffy

(8) Nothing's Wrong With Me (8)

So I was watching Oprah today and I was very much intrigued by the show. The show was called something like the High School Challenge. They showed a high school that did this crazy cool activity where the got a bunch of students together from all the different clicks and they had them open up to each other. They talked about all sorts of prejudices, hurts, and pains that the students had gone through.

It was really interesting to see how I, living really far away from this high school, could still connect to these students. I had been through many of the same things that these other high school students had been through. The talked about being teased and made fun of a lot and most of us can probably identify with that. I'm sure that most, if not all, of us have been teased by someone on quite a few occasions.

In the segment they did an activity where they said something and everyone that identified with it stepped across the line. They had categories for racism, teasing, and so much more and it was interesting to see which of the categories I would have stepped over the line for.

Anyways, the point of the whole activity was to attempt to break down some of the barriers that are created in high school. It was to get us to look past certain prejudices that we have against people based on race, gender, or anything else that is just a part of who people are. The point was to try and show people how to be less biased and judgemental. A lot of the kids that shared parts of their lives shared things that couldn't be seen based on a glance. Many of the teenagers were going through really tough things like weight problems, death, sickness, and low self-esteem.

I'm definitely not perfect at not being judgemental, but I'm going to try to be better. I'm really going to try to understand that everyone is trying to do their best and I shouldn't judge someone that I don't really know. It's hard; it's worth it.

-Fluffy

Music is a beautiful thing! I love it! Well, I was bored and so this is what I made. They're not really that cool, but I like them. :D

:)

Well, my printer is really slow. I'm waiting for my essay to be printed and I needed four copies of it. Oh well.

I'm really grateful for my friends and family. I think it's so cool when I'm having a hard day and someone asks me if I'm doing ok and if they can help. It means so much to me when people take the time to talk with me.

I've kind of been having a hard night. I've just been really stressed out lately and it kind of caught up with me. Then Thatcher asked me if I was ok and if I wanted to talk and so we talked about his awesome trees and I really did feel better. It just felt good that somebody noticed that I needed a little cheering up. So thanks Thatcher. :D

And now Brad is talking to me too and so is Kortney. Thanks guys. You guys are what make my life happy :D

I have such great friends and I'm really grateful for them.

Life's good. It's busy and it's hard to balance everything, but it's good and I love it. I love all the people around me.

So this was just a reminder to all the people in my life. Thank you so much for all that you do for me. Without you, I wouldn't make it through.

-Fluffy

Once Upon a...

Hooray for the play. I'm leaving in about five minutes to go and see it! I can't even wait. I'm sure that everyone will do a great job.

I heard something about live chickens...

Good luck everyone!

-Fluffy

C&P

All I can say is that this essay is kicking my butt. This essay is so hard for me to write! I've already been working on it for like two and a half hours and I only have a page!!!!

I wish I were better at writing essays... I just can't ever seem to say what I want to say! Oh well. At least tomorrow we're only doing peer reviews...

Wish me luck!

-Fluffy

Happy day

This break was what I really needed to start feeling like myself again.

Church was great yesterday. I felt so happy to be there. I really felt like talking to people and being my best self. It was great. I didn't feel like I had to hide behind a fake smile. I truly wanted and loved being there. It was such a great feeling to be happy.

And today is going to be great too :D I'm doing so many fun things! I'm so excited.

Hooray for happy days!

-Fluffy

(8) There's no difference between the tear drops and the rain (8)

It has been a really long time since I have posted on my blog. Nobody reads this anymore, but that is ok with me. I don't really feel like writing for anyone but myself right now anyway.

I am just going to write about my life right now and how I feel about it...

I feel like I am too hard on myself sometimes. When I don't have a perfect day, I blame myself for the things that I did wrong. I think that sometimes I really dwell on mean things I say or mean things I do. I don't mean to do or say mean things, I just do sometimes.

I wish that I really felt happy with myself lately. I know it's kind of silly and trite, but I feel lost. Sometimes I feel like nothing that I'm doing is good enough. I know that all of these bad feelings are just because of my attitude, but I can't seem to change it. I keep finding myself slipping back into the same ruts that I thought I'd already moved far away from.

There are so many great things that i have in my life and I know that. I know that I am a truly blessed person and that my Heavenly Father loves me. But sometimes it's really hard for me to love myself inspite of all of that. There are so many things that I can improve at.

The other day I really sat down and did my homework and I realized that most of the things that I "didn't know how to do" I really did know how to do them I was just too lazy or busy, I don't know which one, to really sit down and try them.

Sometimes I just wish that my moods and feelings were more constant than they are... It just feels like I'm on this random rollar coaster or emotions and feelings and every day brings me a different attitude. Somedays I feel like going for it all. I feel like giving my 100% and nothing less. And then other days I feel more like I do today. I feel like I'm an ok person but not really contributing anything. I feel like I'm making mistakes right and left and I'm barely scraping by. I wish I could understand why I feel like this sometimes.

Anyways, sorry (if anyone even reads this) that you have to listen to me be sad. I really do know that I'm blessed and I have such a great life. I just really needed to get a few feelings off my chest. Don't think I'm an unhappy person, it just seems to be harder for me lately. I'll get it figured out though and everything will be better. I think that I even feel a little better right now.

-Fluffy

Commonly asked...

So you guys came up with some pretty good questions. Especially Dr. Paleo. :D So that is what I’m going to blog about today. I’m just going to answer your questions and if you have more, feel free to comment.

Question #1 Why are you so cool?

Well I don’t really know. Actually I’m not sure that I am all that cool, but I would like to thank Samantha for thinking that I am. That’s my goal anyways, to make people think that I’m cool. HAHA So Samantha thank you for complementing me in question form. :D

Question #2 Do you fear death?

Well to tell you the truth. I’m not really sure that I fear death itself, just because of my belief that it’s the next step in our eternal progression. But I do fear the way that I could die. It scares me to think that I could...

1- burn to death
2- drown
3- die in an earth quake
4- die in anyway other than in my sleep when I’m old

So yeah, I also fear dying at a young age. I really feel like I have things to accomplish still. So I guess in a way, I do fear dying. I fear that I won't be able to finish everything. And it scares me to think that I might have to leave people behind.

Question #3 What do you believe will happen to you when you die?

Well I believe that I will be doing work on the other side helping others to progress. In my church we believe that we will someday be Gods and Goddesses of our own worlds as well. We don’t really know very much about it, but from what I do know, it’s going to be amazing. Not that I want to go do it right now. I still have a long life to live, but when it does happen it should be a spectacular thing.

Question #4 Do you believe in war?

Wow. That’s a really tough question to answer. I believe in war in certain situations. For example, during World War 2 when Hitler was over Germany, I believe that it was very necessary for other nations to step in and fight against the unjust things that were happening. When innocent people are being brutally killed I think that sometimes it’s the only option that we have. After everything has been done to try to settle the conflicts peacefully, I believe that war is probably the best solution. But war should be a last resort, and never our first choice.

Question #5 If you were being physically attacked, would you want a guy to interfere?

Yes. If I were being physically attacked and someone came to rescue me, I would welcome that rescue with open arms.

Question #6 Do you believe in Bigfoot?

I believe in the statue of Bigfoot. Someone told me about that statue. I don’t remember who though…I think it was a teacher. Plus, The Goofy Movie has made me a firm believer in that “beast.” G O B I G F O O T !

Question #7 Kortney’s Question

Yes I know what you’re talking about, and I’m not sure. He said, “Ask this week.” But I’m not sure, so do what your heart tells you. :D

Ask Away

So it's been a really really long time since I last posted. I've just been busy and when I wasn't busy, I slept. So anyways life's been pretty crazy lately. I've been singing, going to school, going to work, and doing homework pretty much every day. So I've been a little stressed trying to fit everything into my schedule. I'm hardly ever home, but my family understands. And I'm falling behind with my homework, but a few study parties here and there will solve that problem. I really love all the performances that we do though. As hard as it is to fit it in to my schedule sometimes, I'm really going to miss performing all the time. I really like it. Even when it's hot and sweaty and my throat hurts, afterwards I always feel good. Plus I just really love singing.

So I don't really have anything to say, so if you have any questions that you would like to ask me just post them on the comments and I'll answer them (probably.) That sounds like a fun adventure. :D

(8) No one mourns the wicked (8)

So every time I hear that song I think about some things. It makes me feel bad that no one cares about bad people. I mean it’s true, if someone does something bad, we feel good when we see them locked behind bars for the rest of their life. We feel good knowing that they won’t have the opportunity to hurt anyone else, including ourselves. It makes us feel good to feel safe. On the opposite end of things, when we hear that someone has done something terrible and is still roaming our streets, we get a sudden sinking feeling in the pit of our stomachs. A feeling that lets us know that something is not right and something is not safe. As a basic human nature we like things to feel safe. We don’t like things to change and we definitely don’t like things that are different from the ordinary.

From what I understand about this song, since I haven’t seen the play, the witch is born green. Now we can all imagine what it would be like to see someone that is green walking down the street. We would be scared. It would probably make us feel uncomfortable because we wouldn’t know how to react to the situation. We probably wouldn’t know what to do with our eyes or if we should smile or not. We would be confused about how this could happen to someone. And most likely we wouldn’t talk to them. We would keep walking, pretending that we had never seen them.

So I’ve related this to real life. When we see something different we are afraid of it because we don’t know how to react to it. We don’t know what to expect and it scares us. There are so many different people all around us and it is hard for most people to look past those differences and find similarities. As a whole, especially as Americans, we are a very closed minded people. When we see someone, we immediately find flaws. We have been trained to look someone over to see if they/we measure up and we’re constantly comparing ourselves to other people. We look to see if our hair is as pretty as theirs or if our clothes are cuter than theirs. We have been trained to find things about ourselves that make us superior or inferior to those around us and it makes us feel better to know that there is at least one thing about ourselves that is, in our eyes, adequate.

The American population has been sucked into this hole where we have certain things that make us beautiful. Young women are especially drawn into this hole because we see all the different magazines and pictures of these perfect people and we will never be able to look like them.

Story #1
So on Wednesday at our activity we had Cherie Call come (she’s an LDS singer for those of you that don’t know who she is.) One of the first things that she talked about was her picture on her poster. She said that she laughs every time she sees it because people always tell her she looks so much different in real life. So she explained that the only reason her poster pictures looked so good was because she had people following her around all day making sure she looked perfect during her photo shoot and then after the photo shoot, they found two or three pictures that they could actually use and they made them even better over the computer. So she laughed and told us that there was no need to try and look as good as the women in magazines and things because they didn’t even look that way.

We all feel inferior to someone at one time or another. Often times someone will say something that makes us feel bad, but we think to ourselves, "if they took the time to say it, it must be true." And so we allow ourselves to believe that everyone else's opinion matters more than our own.

Story #2
Today in Young Women's, our teacher used the famous quote by Eleanor Roosevelt, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." I really like that quote because it's true. We let people determine how we will act, feel, think, etc. all the time and it's time that we stood up for ourselves and decided for ourselves that we are adequate enough to be here. We are all important no matter how strange we are.

So moral of the story is that we should all try to be proud of who we are. There is no need for us to focus on our flaws or anyone else’s. We really need to try to find the good in people, even when there might seem to be no good to be found. Everyone has to have something good inside them, even the wicked.