Moving On

Here I am :) Hooray. I'm pretty happy today. I'm not overly happy like I am on the days that I can't control my laughter, but I'm just contently happy today. Mostly. I'm still scared to death about heading up to school and all of my friends leaving, but there's something in the back of my mind that keeps reminding me that everything will be ok. I know that it's going to be hard for the first little while, and I know that it will be hard for me to make new friends for the first little while, but I'm making every effort to make it easier. I've joined a club, institute, committees, the Bennion center, and signed up for classes. So, I really am trying to put myself out there.

You know, I think that's the thing that scares me the most- putting myself out there. Today while I was at work I got to sit up at the front for a bit. That's a really great thing because you don't really have to do much. It's a nice break from running around and telling children and fellow employees what to do. So, I was sitting up there and a really sweet mom was up there with her little boy waiting for a few people. She was really nice, and trying to make conversation, but I'm just not very good at that. It really does take me a while to be secure enough to talk to people well. That sounds stupid, doesn't it? Anyways, it's true. I remember way back when council started at the beginning of the school year, it took me months to be able to feel comfortable in our activities and meetings. I'm laughing now looking back on how shy I felt, but at the time it was terrible for me. I couldn't understand why I couldn't talk to the people that I was with. I just get so intimidated and shy sometimes. I'm terrified that when I go to school that I'll have no one to talk to for a really long time. So a really long time to me is a few months, but still. A few months is a long time to have no one to talk to.

There's really only one person that I feel completely comfortable talking to. She knows who she is ;) Anyways, she's leaving me. I don't blame her for leaving me, but I worry about those Sunday nights when I'm having a pity party for myself and she won't be there. She listens to me, gives me advice, and just loves me. I really don't know what I'm going to do without her. She already knows that I'm going to miss her like dieting people miss their favorite dessert, but seriously, I don't know what I'm going to do. Thank goodness for cell phones and cars, I suppose.

Anyways, this is going to be a really interesting transition for me. I know that I won't lose myself through it, because I have come way too far and grown way too much to turn back on myself now, but I just hope that it'll be easier than I'm anticipating. I know that everything will be fine. There really isn't anything to worry about with all the support I have, but I'm still worried, and I'll still really miss some people. I just hope that I'll be able to find some courage in myself that I didn't know I had. I hope that I'll be able to make my box a lot bigger while I try to adjust. There's nothing wrong with fearing doing hard things, as long as you do them anyway. Doing these things that are hard is going to make me stronger.

So, really I'm excited to start school. I am. I'm excited for the new adventures that I'll have, the things I'll learn, and the new people that I'll meet; however, I'm still a bit apprehensive about it all. I scared, but I can do it. It'll be hard, but totally worth it. Today my friend at work told me that college is something that changes you. I'm ready for that. I always want to be me, but the always improving version of me. Everything will be great, I just know it. I have people looking out for me, and everything is going to be fine. Have a wonderful day, everyone. Good luck with everything.