Well, here I am again. I hope that everyone is doing well. Today was a really great day for me. I think that the greatest part happened after school. I went out to the seminary building, because I didn't have work or anything, and I talked with Thatcher, Hope, and Brother Coleman for a while. Thatcher left after a little while and then Brother Coleman had to do some stuff for the 9th graders video, and so I sat in Coleman's room and talked with Hope for about an hour. It was really awesome to get to talk to her. Then Brother Coleman said he was getting bored so we moved into the office where he was working and talked with him. It was really awesome. I learned a few things that I can really work on.
Brother Coleman said that we were good enough friends and so I wouldn't get offended if he told me something that I could improve upon haha so he told me that I'm too meek, I think he meant when it comes to sharing the gospel. I thought about it for a while and he's probably right. I think that I tend to think that people are set in their ways and they don't feel like changing and I don't feel like bothering them; however, I think I'm beginning to realize that even if people don't want to learn about the church from me, it's the biggest part of who I am and it's ok to share that with people. I'm also learning that people probably aren't quite as set in their ways as I think they are. People are probably more willing to change and find the truth than I think. I'm really excited to try to be more open about stuff like that. Even if all I change is inviting people to things that I don't think they'll come to, I'll be doing better and that's what I want to do. I want to share with people the best thing that I have in my life: the gospel. It's really important to me and it's ok to let people know that at appropriate times.
I really appreciate Brother Coleman. He's helped me through a lot and I'm really glad that he has so much faith in me. It's always nice to know that other people think that I'm doing well and that I'm trying my best. Anyways, the rest of the day was awesome too, but that was probably the best part of the day. There are so many things that I can improve on, but as Brother Coleman told me once, "It's not speed, it's direction." So I hope that I'm pointed in the right direction and that I'm doing my best to improve my weaknesses and turn them into strengths. Things are tough, but I know I can make it through because I have spiritual help on my side. Thanks for listening, and have a great night. I hope things are going well for you all. Keep moving along and doing your best.
-Fluffy
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Sure on this shining night
Today was a really interesting day. Actually, it's been a really interesting week for me. I've had A LOT of ups and downs, but I think that all in all it's been a pretty successful week. It was a really busy week, but still good. Today was state solo and ensemble and I think it went pretty well, but I think that I'll write about that some other time. I'm kind of having one of those thoughtful nights. It's not thoughtful to the max where I'm all emotional and filled with thoughts and feelings; rather, I feel inwardly good about most things I think. There are still a few things that I don't feel at peace about, but I don't want to think about those things tonight. I want to think about the good things and I really want to feel good about those good things.
You know, I'm not really sure what I'm going to talk about throughout this post so it'll probably be kind of random and it might even turn into one of those posts that I will regret in the morning, but I'm going to post it anyway. This is just going to be a post for me to get out some thoughts and to feel them. Sometimes it's nice to just feel things.
So, I've been thinking a lot about Merilee Webb these past few days. I thought about her today actually while we were at solo ensemble listening to another madrigal choir. They moved a lot with the music, and while I didn't really like the way it looked when they performed, it made me think about what Merilee taught me while she was a sub at our school. Thatcher said something in one of his posts a while ago about how he would really miss her as a mentor and you know, I really miss her too. She taught me about more than just how the music should sound, she taught me how the music should feel. But I think that some of the most important lessons that she taught me had nothing to do with music. She taught me how to be and I'll never forget that. I can never forget how she taught me to make my box bigger. She taught me that we all fear things, but doing hard things only makes us stronger. I really love the way that Mrs. T teaches and I definitely don't love her any less or more than Merilee; but, I still miss the feeling of walking into class and knowing that I was going to be challenged to better myself.
She is a really amazing person and I'll never forget the lessons that she taught me while she was teaching at our school. I really appreciate what she did to make me a better person. I miss her and I hope that she knows that she helped me to change for the better and to view life in a new way.
I think that for the past little while I've been neglecting the things that I learned from Merilee. My box really did get a lot bigger while she was here, but I think that I've been letting it shrink back down a little bit and I think that I've been looking at things with the wrong attitude. There are so many things that are difficult and I have been looking at them that way. I think that lately I've been really slacking on some things that I should be working a lot harder at. I definitely haven't been working as hard this term as I should be. I really am busy, but I know that I can find time to fit all of that in. I really want to try and be better and so I think that that will be my goal. I'm going to try and remember the things that I learned from Merilee. I'm going to try and kick this term in the okole. It's going to be really tough because I really just want to give up sometimes, but I'm going to try my best.
Anyways, moving on to some other stuff that I want to talk about. Tonight is just one of those nights that I really want to have someone to talk to. I want to go and sit outside under the stars and talk about things. I want to tell someone who's special to me about who I am and what I think about. Sometimes I just feel like I talk about trivial things with a lot of people and I think that it would be nice to have a meaningful talk with someone. Maybe I'm just being a hopeless romantic, but it would be nice to have someone to talk to.
I feel kind of like I've lost touch with a few of my friends lately, but I've gotten closer to some others at the same time. I have two wonderful best friends, but something has definitely changed there. I'm sure that I should take a lot of the blame because of my busy schedule, but I miss them. I miss how we used to be. Earlier this year I wrote a paper for English about losing a friend and I wrote it about one of my best friends. Since then it's gotten better, I don't feel like I've lost her as a friend, but I feel like we have a different friendship. It's really ok though because I understand that she has a lot of other people that she would rather be with, but I still miss it and it hurts to think that I'm not someone she wants to spend her time with anymore. I really do miss Frogger days during the summer and I miss hanging out at Katie's house practically every day after school. It makes me a little sad to think that days like that are over. Even though summer will be here soon, I know that there won't ever be summer's like the summer's from Junior High days. It sounds kind of stupid, but I miss it. I know that there are tons of other things to look forward to, but I still miss the way it used to be sometimes.
You know what? I think that all of these ideas are tying together. I think that what I really need to do is take my own advice. I need to live for the here and now. There's a song that I really love and the chorus says this... "you're gonna miss this, you're gonna want this back. You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast." and it's really true. I think that I need to try harder to live in the here and now. I miss past days, but there are so many things that are happening right now and more importantly, there are still a lot of people that I can help right now. The future is coming, but it can wait because I don't want to miss all the wonderful things that are happening to me right now. I'm never going to be in this same situation again and in a few years I don't want to look back on this last term of high school and think of all the things that I could have done better. I want to look back and think about how much fun I had and how I tried my best in all the things that I could and how I tried to serve and love as many people as I could.
So, I need to prioritize. I need to find the things that I love and are important to me and I need to focus on those because I really don't want to miss this. Well, I'm off to do some things that I need to get done. Have a great night everybody. I hope you're all doing well and remember that I'm here if you need someone.
"All is healed. All is health."
-Fluffy
You know, I'm not really sure what I'm going to talk about throughout this post so it'll probably be kind of random and it might even turn into one of those posts that I will regret in the morning, but I'm going to post it anyway. This is just going to be a post for me to get out some thoughts and to feel them. Sometimes it's nice to just feel things.
So, I've been thinking a lot about Merilee Webb these past few days. I thought about her today actually while we were at solo ensemble listening to another madrigal choir. They moved a lot with the music, and while I didn't really like the way it looked when they performed, it made me think about what Merilee taught me while she was a sub at our school. Thatcher said something in one of his posts a while ago about how he would really miss her as a mentor and you know, I really miss her too. She taught me about more than just how the music should sound, she taught me how the music should feel. But I think that some of the most important lessons that she taught me had nothing to do with music. She taught me how to be and I'll never forget that. I can never forget how she taught me to make my box bigger. She taught me that we all fear things, but doing hard things only makes us stronger. I really love the way that Mrs. T teaches and I definitely don't love her any less or more than Merilee; but, I still miss the feeling of walking into class and knowing that I was going to be challenged to better myself.
She is a really amazing person and I'll never forget the lessons that she taught me while she was teaching at our school. I really appreciate what she did to make me a better person. I miss her and I hope that she knows that she helped me to change for the better and to view life in a new way.
I think that for the past little while I've been neglecting the things that I learned from Merilee. My box really did get a lot bigger while she was here, but I think that I've been letting it shrink back down a little bit and I think that I've been looking at things with the wrong attitude. There are so many things that are difficult and I have been looking at them that way. I think that lately I've been really slacking on some things that I should be working a lot harder at. I definitely haven't been working as hard this term as I should be. I really am busy, but I know that I can find time to fit all of that in. I really want to try and be better and so I think that that will be my goal. I'm going to try and remember the things that I learned from Merilee. I'm going to try and kick this term in the okole. It's going to be really tough because I really just want to give up sometimes, but I'm going to try my best.
Anyways, moving on to some other stuff that I want to talk about. Tonight is just one of those nights that I really want to have someone to talk to. I want to go and sit outside under the stars and talk about things. I want to tell someone who's special to me about who I am and what I think about. Sometimes I just feel like I talk about trivial things with a lot of people and I think that it would be nice to have a meaningful talk with someone. Maybe I'm just being a hopeless romantic, but it would be nice to have someone to talk to.
I feel kind of like I've lost touch with a few of my friends lately, but I've gotten closer to some others at the same time. I have two wonderful best friends, but something has definitely changed there. I'm sure that I should take a lot of the blame because of my busy schedule, but I miss them. I miss how we used to be. Earlier this year I wrote a paper for English about losing a friend and I wrote it about one of my best friends. Since then it's gotten better, I don't feel like I've lost her as a friend, but I feel like we have a different friendship. It's really ok though because I understand that she has a lot of other people that she would rather be with, but I still miss it and it hurts to think that I'm not someone she wants to spend her time with anymore. I really do miss Frogger days during the summer and I miss hanging out at Katie's house practically every day after school. It makes me a little sad to think that days like that are over. Even though summer will be here soon, I know that there won't ever be summer's like the summer's from Junior High days. It sounds kind of stupid, but I miss it. I know that there are tons of other things to look forward to, but I still miss the way it used to be sometimes.
You know what? I think that all of these ideas are tying together. I think that what I really need to do is take my own advice. I need to live for the here and now. There's a song that I really love and the chorus says this... "you're gonna miss this, you're gonna want this back. You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast." and it's really true. I think that I need to try harder to live in the here and now. I miss past days, but there are so many things that are happening right now and more importantly, there are still a lot of people that I can help right now. The future is coming, but it can wait because I don't want to miss all the wonderful things that are happening to me right now. I'm never going to be in this same situation again and in a few years I don't want to look back on this last term of high school and think of all the things that I could have done better. I want to look back and think about how much fun I had and how I tried my best in all the things that I could and how I tried to serve and love as many people as I could.
So, I need to prioritize. I need to find the things that I love and are important to me and I need to focus on those because I really don't want to miss this. Well, I'm off to do some things that I need to get done. Have a great night everybody. I hope you're all doing well and remember that I'm here if you need someone.
"All is healed. All is health."
-Fluffy
Monday, April 14, 2008
It's me...
Well, here I am. It's been a while since I've written for my blog. This is partly due to my lack of time and partly due to my lack of motivation. It doesn't really matter though because I'm the only one that reads this. ;)
Stuff has been going pretty well lately except for a few things. I'm having a really hard time in my AP classes. I just can't seem to make myself do the work. I don't want to do calculus. I don't mind studying for the test and trying to do stuff that way, but I really don't want to do the assignments and it makes me really angry that I have to do them. I don't get angry very often, but in calculus I sure do. Calculus just seems to bring out the worst in me lately and I really quite honestly can't wait until it's over.
Then, in English today, I pretty much failed. I just didn't know what to do with the practice test that she gave us and I really honestly did not do well. I got really upset. I feel really bad when I get upset because I usually get mean and angry and I don't mean to. I say and think things that I regret because I let my emotions take hold of me. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't express emotions. I don't know if anyone else feels this way, but sometimes I feel like people don't really care about what's bothering me, but they care that something is bothering me enough to make me act differently than I normally do. I don't know if that makes any sense, but sometimes I feel like I can't be anything but the happy and bubbly self that I usually am.
My mom said something really interesting to me when I expressed this to her a while ago. She told me that people don't really care about what's bothering me and it's probably true. People care about me and I know that, but sometimes people just really don't want to hear about my problems. It's OK, I don't need people to listen to me express what I'm feeling, but sometimes I wish that I had someone that I could really talk to when I get angry at school. But, since there isn't really anyone like that, I just take the hall pass until I feel better, even though I don't usually feel better until after the class is over...
I just feel like sometimes I'm the middle roader. I have all these amazing friends that do amazing things and I'm an average girl doing pretty average things. It's fine with me that I'm like that, but sometimes I wish that AP class stuff came easier to me. I wish that I were able to pick up on calculus the same way that some of my other friends do. I'm not bad at it, but I'm not really good either. I don't know, this post was mostly just my ramblings and I'll probably think it's stupid in a few years or days, but this is stuff that is really actually things that I worry about and so it's important to me. I don't really care if it's stupid. This is the real me. This is me really expressing concerns that I have and I don't really care if other people don't want to listen.
Sometimes I just feel like I'm the only one that's struggling with my classes and I really wish that I didn't feel that way because I feel like I'm not supposed to feel that way. I know that I'm smart, but I know that I'm not the smartest one and there are things that I struggle with and it's really difficult for me to accept that I struggle with things that other people might not struggle with. Anyways, I feel a little better now. I feel like I've put out most of my emotions. It doesn't make my problems go away; yet, somehow I still feel validated. I feel like I have at least expressed about a tenth of what I feel.
Really I'm a happy person, but even happy people have things that they struggle with and these are a few of my struggles. Have a great night. Keep pressing forward, I know that that's what I'm going to do.
-Fluffy
Stuff has been going pretty well lately except for a few things. I'm having a really hard time in my AP classes. I just can't seem to make myself do the work. I don't want to do calculus. I don't mind studying for the test and trying to do stuff that way, but I really don't want to do the assignments and it makes me really angry that I have to do them. I don't get angry very often, but in calculus I sure do. Calculus just seems to bring out the worst in me lately and I really quite honestly can't wait until it's over.
Then, in English today, I pretty much failed. I just didn't know what to do with the practice test that she gave us and I really honestly did not do well. I got really upset. I feel really bad when I get upset because I usually get mean and angry and I don't mean to. I say and think things that I regret because I let my emotions take hold of me. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't express emotions. I don't know if anyone else feels this way, but sometimes I feel like people don't really care about what's bothering me, but they care that something is bothering me enough to make me act differently than I normally do. I don't know if that makes any sense, but sometimes I feel like I can't be anything but the happy and bubbly self that I usually am.
My mom said something really interesting to me when I expressed this to her a while ago. She told me that people don't really care about what's bothering me and it's probably true. People care about me and I know that, but sometimes people just really don't want to hear about my problems. It's OK, I don't need people to listen to me express what I'm feeling, but sometimes I wish that I had someone that I could really talk to when I get angry at school. But, since there isn't really anyone like that, I just take the hall pass until I feel better, even though I don't usually feel better until after the class is over...
I just feel like sometimes I'm the middle roader. I have all these amazing friends that do amazing things and I'm an average girl doing pretty average things. It's fine with me that I'm like that, but sometimes I wish that AP class stuff came easier to me. I wish that I were able to pick up on calculus the same way that some of my other friends do. I'm not bad at it, but I'm not really good either. I don't know, this post was mostly just my ramblings and I'll probably think it's stupid in a few years or days, but this is stuff that is really actually things that I worry about and so it's important to me. I don't really care if it's stupid. This is the real me. This is me really expressing concerns that I have and I don't really care if other people don't want to listen.
Sometimes I just feel like I'm the only one that's struggling with my classes and I really wish that I didn't feel that way because I feel like I'm not supposed to feel that way. I know that I'm smart, but I know that I'm not the smartest one and there are things that I struggle with and it's really difficult for me to accept that I struggle with things that other people might not struggle with. Anyways, I feel a little better now. I feel like I've put out most of my emotions. It doesn't make my problems go away; yet, somehow I still feel validated. I feel like I have at least expressed about a tenth of what I feel.
Really I'm a happy person, but even happy people have things that they struggle with and these are a few of my struggles. Have a great night. Keep pressing forward, I know that that's what I'm going to do.
-Fluffy
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