(8) There's no difference between the tear drops and the rain (8)

It has been a really long time since I have posted on my blog. Nobody reads this anymore, but that is ok with me. I don't really feel like writing for anyone but myself right now anyway.

I am just going to write about my life right now and how I feel about it...

I feel like I am too hard on myself sometimes. When I don't have a perfect day, I blame myself for the things that I did wrong. I think that sometimes I really dwell on mean things I say or mean things I do. I don't mean to do or say mean things, I just do sometimes.

I wish that I really felt happy with myself lately. I know it's kind of silly and trite, but I feel lost. Sometimes I feel like nothing that I'm doing is good enough. I know that all of these bad feelings are just because of my attitude, but I can't seem to change it. I keep finding myself slipping back into the same ruts that I thought I'd already moved far away from.

There are so many great things that i have in my life and I know that. I know that I am a truly blessed person and that my Heavenly Father loves me. But sometimes it's really hard for me to love myself inspite of all of that. There are so many things that I can improve at.

The other day I really sat down and did my homework and I realized that most of the things that I "didn't know how to do" I really did know how to do them I was just too lazy or busy, I don't know which one, to really sit down and try them.

Sometimes I just wish that my moods and feelings were more constant than they are... It just feels like I'm on this random rollar coaster or emotions and feelings and every day brings me a different attitude. Somedays I feel like going for it all. I feel like giving my 100% and nothing less. And then other days I feel more like I do today. I feel like I'm an ok person but not really contributing anything. I feel like I'm making mistakes right and left and I'm barely scraping by. I wish I could understand why I feel like this sometimes.

Anyways, sorry (if anyone even reads this) that you have to listen to me be sad. I really do know that I'm blessed and I have such a great life. I just really needed to get a few feelings off my chest. Don't think I'm an unhappy person, it just seems to be harder for me lately. I'll get it figured out though and everything will be better. I think that I even feel a little better right now.

-Fluffy